


Morningstar

by SoulNarrative



Category: AFI
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-04 02:27:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2905826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulNarrative/pseuds/SoulNarrative
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was more than simple lust that drove Davey into another man's bed, risking all he held dear. The story behind the song, "Morningstar." This is going to be looong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Word count: 28354  
> Published: 03/09/2007 Updated: 03/25/2007

 

 

Davey hugged himself in the pre-dawn chill. There’d been no need for a hoodie last night. The band was in L. A. with the Warped Tour, performance tomorrow. 'Scratch that. Today,' he realized. Tomorrow had become today while the night had slipped away, hour by hour.

“Last night. What am I going to do about last night?” The cab couldn’t come soon enough to take him away from Dave Navarro’s front gate. No way was he going to wake Navarro’s driver and ask for a ride. No witnesses. It was better that way.

L.A. So close to home. The East Bay was only hours away. His home, his borrowed cats, even Mom and Paul, staying there as they always did when he was away on short tours. The cab could have him there for brunch. His mother would make him his favorite vegan muffins and a scrambled tofu to die for. He pictured their warm smiles. They’d be so happy to see him.

They’d peek over his broad shoulders and ask, “Where’s Jade? Why isn’t he with you?” What to answer? “We aren’t joined at the hip?” or “I made a terrible mistake last night and fucked another man. Now I’m here because I can’t bear to face Jade?”

The cab came to a halt at the curb and he slid in. He reluctantly gave the address of the small home in the Hollywood Hills that Smith had procured for them. It was the band’s final stop on the Warped Tour but he had still found them this oasis of privacy, instead of a hotel.

Smith was the best tour manager a band could want - and certainly the most entertaining. He was family. Having Jade’s younger brother working with them was great. Davey knew all Jade’s family and they loved him. ‘If I’ve hurt Jade, I’ve hurt them all by extension,’ he realized with chagrin.

The sun was up, hazy through the low cloud of pollution that already blanketed the sprawling city. ‘I want what I did last night to evaporate with the morning mist,’ he thought grimly. He felt as dirty inside as the scene before him and he cringed when the cab slowed and then stopped . He looked at the house, reluctant to get out.

The driver, a handsome man of Middle Eastern origin, smiled knowingly at him in the mirror. “No fun to face the missus after a night out, Sir.” Davey was terribly embarrassed. He avoided the man’s eyes and was overly generous in his tip, as if he could pay off his conscience.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

 

Jade was dozing on the sofa, still wearing what he’d had on the night before when they’d said goodbye. Obviously, he’d waited up all night. Davey tiptoed past him, fighting the urge to stop and kiss him awake. He wanted to escape into sleep for awhile, finding all this to have been a bad wet dream when he woke.

He stripped off his shirt and pants and slipped on a pair of low-slung, black silk boxers. He sunk into bed, praying for sleep to bring forgetfulness.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Davey was dozing off when he was startled fully awake again by a tight embrace. His eyes flew open and he saw Jade’s face, full of concern, inches from his.

“Man, I was hella worried! What time did the club close anyway?” Suddenly, Davey was paranoid, did he have any marks or strange odors on him? He pulled the sheet up to his chin.

“Ummm, I’m fine. Club closed…fourish? You know West Hollywood - they take the party to the streets,” he joked with a weak laugh.

“How was Jeffree’s show? After you left, I wished I’d gone with you,” Jade said with a regretful smile.

“Wish you had, Jade…wish you had,” Davey murmured sincerely.

“It was that good, huh?,” asked Jade, missing Davey’s sentiment entirely.

“Oh, the show…‘twas wicked… Speaking of shows, we have one this afternoon. I need to sleep before then.” Ouch. That sounded like, ‘Get out and leave me alone.’ Jade’s face showed it and Davey felt remorseful.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. It’s my own fault if I’m wiped. I know better than to go out clubbing all night before a show, even a Warped show. I need to remember I’m not a teenage drama queen anymore. Not teenage, I mean.”

“Prove it,” Jade said with a seductive growl, his hand under the sheet, sliding up Davey’s thigh, fingers under the hem of the silk boxers. Davey’s hand firmly arrested Jade’s exploring.

“Please, Jade. I need to sleep now. And so do you. You didn’t get any decent rest either.” Trying to avoid anymore tension, Davey teased, “I command thee back to yon comfy couch, servant boy. This house Smith found is sweet but the beds are not made for Papa Bears.”

‘Please go. I can’t stand your trust, your innocence, your desire,’ Davey pleaded in his head.

Jade’s disappointment was obvious but he felt responsible, too. "I insisted you go without me so it’s my fault as well. If I’d been there, I’d made sure we got home at a decent hour. Early enough to enjoy the luxury of a private room, small bed or not. So little of that on the road.” He began to lean down to Davey’s mouth. He noticed his bottom lip looked swollen.

Davey’s eyes were closed but Jade felt a tremor in the hand that held his in place, and it wasn’t caused by passion. Jade felt a twinge in his gut. Something was wrong. Jade straightened.

Davey squeezed his eyes tighter, holding in tears as Jade continued. “I just thought it’d be good for you to have, you know, a little Davey time, away from us. You work so hard…but you’re mixing fairy tale metaphors so you must be really tired.” Davey could hear the understanding humor in Jade’s quiet snort and it made him want to cry.

He stayed perfectly still and Jade mistook it for slumber. Davey was using a technique he’d been practicing since his teens, when he’d obsessively studied the esoteric arts and began to experiment with what he learned.

He’d found it easy to meditate and “astral travel.” He spent more and more time in the “white chrysanthemum realm,” receiving revelations from “the cherished ones,” as he thought of the ethereal beings of whom he grew so fond, who made him feel loved, understood, accepted.

His mother grew concerned with his withdrawal into this other world and, as if they wished to avoid creating conflict in the family, the appeared less and less often to Davey. At first, he resented her interference but eventually he realized she was right to discourage his escapism. Still, it was a great disappointment from which he never quite recovered.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Jade watched his seemingly-sleeping lover, reluctant to leave his side. He didn’t want to admit it, but he’d begun to worry that their intimate relationship was getting old, at least for Davey. _He_ could never tire of it - loving “the Havok.” The man was unique, to say the least. There was no one else like him, of that Jade was sure.

He could study Davey for the rest of his life and barely finish chapter one. Jade was often surprised by some newly revealed facet of Davey’s personality , intellect or talent. He knew most thought Davey was a little crazy, or terribly mysterious or just a freak.

Whatever. Jade knew who and what he was in essence - but it had no name they’d understand. People thought Jade must walk on eggshells around “that diva.” How could they understand that Davey’s mere presence calmed him, made him feel complete and at peace?

Soul mates - what a concept. Yet Jade knew, for them, it was true. As he gazed on his lover’s closed face, he remembered when he’d first realized who Davey really was for him.

 

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=5161>


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the purpose of this story, Davey and Michael are full brothers.

 

  
[   
](http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=5161)

First they’d been longtime friends, then bandmates and creative team. The four of them were driving an old panel truck through New Mexico, trying to get from one gig to another without another breakdown or their instruments being stolen. Smith and Fritch had been left behind in Oakland for this leg of the trip since they couldn’t afford the second vehicle it required for all six to travel together.

Too tired to drive anymore and not wanting to run out of gas at night in the middle of the desert, they pulled off the road. Adam and Hunter wanted to sleep in the truck, afraid of scorpions and sidewinders getting in their Army Surplus sleeping bags outside.

As always, Davey was up for adventure, saying, ‘I want to sleep under the stars. And snakes are a good omen, they symbolize transformation, renewal. As for Scorpions - well, I am one! C’mon, Jade. Don’t be a pussy. Keep me company.”

Since the truck slept two, he had no choice. Even if he’d wanted to squeeze in with Hunter and Adam, the smile Davey had trained on him made it impossible to refuse his invitation.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Hours later, the two were still awake, Davey’s voice a whisper in a vast silence. Davey had been telling Jade about the stars, constellations and their mythology. The clarity of the sky in the desert was like nothing Jade had ever seen.

Davey was inspired by the grandeur and poured out everything he knew about astronomy. He wandered into astrology, too since - as he explained - they were one and the same in the ancient world.

Jade wondered aloud, “And I’m the one with the B.A.? Christ, how do you know all this?!”

“Remember that big, clunky telescope that’s on my folks’ back porch?”

“No…”

“Well, anyway…my mom gave it to me when I was like ten and obsessed with astronomy. She just encouraged me…”

“Although she knew you were obsessed ? What a bad mommy, turning her little boy into a…”

“Brilliant intellectual?” Davey finished hopefully.

“I was going to say major nerd, “ Jade gave him a mock frown.

“Jade Puget, you’re such a bitch.” Davey glared at him.

Jade laughed and the sound carried and echoed over the endless desert. He’d never heard anything like it on earth and it stunned them both into an awed silence. They lay in utter stillness for a long time.

“You asleep?” Davey whispered, almost in Jade’s ear. Jade could feel the warmth of his breath.

“No…”

“I need to tell you one more thing. I can’t say how I know, I just do…It’s the sky, Jade. It’s really an ocean.”

“Whaa…??” Jade raised up on his elbows and Davey stared into his eyes intensely, the risen moon illuminating everything as brightly as the sun. Davey’s eyes were as black as coal in the eerie light. He tucked his long front lock behind an ear with a graceful motion of his feminine, slender hand.

“It is. We’re underwater right now. You think you’re breathing air but it’s really water - or something like it - flowing in and out of your lungs. And the stars’ scintillation keeps it all moving. It’s all waves, sound waves, light waves, particle waves…It was amazing to hear your laughter carried across the universal ocean by waves, don’t you think so?”

He hadn’t moved and their faces were inches apart. Jade didn’t know what to say. This was what people called “crazy Davey” and rolled their eyes. To Jade, this was just, “Wow, Davey.” He spoke with such conviction, such sincerity, Jade believed it had to be true somehow, despite everything he’d been taught.

It was so quiet he thought he could hear Davey’s heart beating. Finally, he said, “Dave, thanks for…talking to me tonight. You’re…you’re amazing.” He couldn’t see it but he’d deeply embarrassed Davey with the compliment.

“And what I said about your mom, you know I was kidding. She is bad, the baddest.”

Davey smiled, “She likes you, too. Always has… Jade, they’re going to make you drive in the morning, you know. You need to sleep… I’d help drive if they’d let me,” a whine creeping into Davey’s voice.

“You know what happens when you drive, Dave. You get distracted - by talking, listening, singing, talking, looking, pointing, breathing, talking…” Jade was silently shaking with laughter.

“I get it,” Davey frowned. “Then I shall continue in my role as road entertainment.” A smile hovered at the corners of his mouth.

“You do that. You’re good at it.” Jade was sincere but afraid he sounded condescending. Davey stared at him in the dark then Jade saw the white teeth of his Cheshire grin and knew Davey took it as he’d meant it.

Davey rolled over in his sleeping bag, his back to Jade. Over his shoulder, he softly said, “’Night, Jade…sleep tight.” Then with a chuckle, he added, “…don’t let the sidewinders bite.”

‘But do let the scorpions bite,' Jade thought with a shock. All he whispered in return was, "'Night, Dave.” ‘I’m falling in love with you,’ he continued silently in his head. He slept, so at peace, with Davey at his side.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Beneath the great ocean-sky, Davey’s thoughts turned to his mother again. Jade was right, she was the best. He remembered how she’d put him and his little brother to sleep so many summer nights.

She’d sit in a chair between their narrow beds, a hand resting as lightly as a wing against their cheeks. She’d sing old Italian lullabies, folk songs, children’s ditties in the moonlight. The summer breeze would lift the lace curtains, then drop them, like his heavy eyelids.

He’d imagine falling asleep in a vineyard, hidden by the twisting vines, warm under an amber Tuscan sun. To this day, the smell of a nearby vineyard took him back to this memory. It seemed even their mother smelled of sun-drenched loam, soft and warm. Then she’d kiss them lightly on the forehead, whispering, “Sleep tight, angels.” Those were the good times.

Then the not-so-good times came back to him. She had been sad when she was pregnant with Michael. Davey couldn’t quite remember why and for some reason, he’d never asked his mother for more information about this period of her life. Still, she’d tried her best to be happy and always called to Davey, “Come quick! Feel! He’s kicking. He wants to come out and play ball with you.” Davey would pat and hug the baby inside and smile up at her.

The day came when she was having labor pains. The neighbors from down the road came and took her to the hospital and kept Davey with them until her return home. Davey had begged to go with her but was told, “Children aren’t allowed. It’s against the rules.” He assumed his intense dislike for rules in general began then.

Before she left she hugged him, smiling between contractions, promising she’d be home in a few days with little Michael. She’d kept her promise but she still wasn’t happy. She was even sadder than before. So sad that sometimes she didn’t get up to feed or change the infant. Davey would bring Michael to her, help her change his diaper, nestle him at her breast and cuddle beside them both while the baby nursed.

She would force herself to fix two good, if simple, meals each day for Davey and herself. They’d eat outside under the trees on a thread-worn tablecloth that had been her grandmother’s in Italy. The baby would coo and watch the shifting shadows of the leaves overhead as the two of them ate.

She didn’t eat much and that worried Davey, who knew she needed to eat well so Mikey would have milk.  
He’d trick her with games to eat more. It always worked. He loved these times but knew it would soon end and she’d be curled up on the sofa or on her bed again, quiet and distant.

She often told him she loved him, he was her angel, her “saving grace,” whatever that was. She was sorry she was always so tired. He would comfort her like she used to comfort him, reassuring her she’d feel well again someday. He was right.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Davey began to sing lullabies to the baby when he was fussy, although his diaper was dry, his tummy full and this teething ring in hand. The singing always quieted Michael. One day, their mother heard the singing and froze with eyes wide, stunned by it’s innocent beauty. Davey knew immediately he’d done something very good, very special.

The light shining in her eyes now was bright, after being dimmed for so long. ‘It’s lit again! The fire inside her is burning again!,’ Davey thought excitedly. He ran to her and buried his face in her lap, crying with relief.

She said, “Angel, this is no time for tears. It’s time for celebration. We have a songbird in the house!” He wiped his nose on her colorful peasant skirt, saying, “I’m so happy, mama!” She cupped his strong little chin in her hand and said, “Ah, tears of joy. Those are precious. Those will bring the dead back to life. Let’s save three,” and pretended to catch them with her fingertips.

For many years, Davey believed that his singing had cured his mother of her mysterious malady. Now, of course, he realized that the discovery of his voice just coincided with the end of her post-partum depression.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________

He remembered that life continued to get better and better for the three of them after that. He found that this singing of his was a big deal, with excited talk of a family history studded with opera stars, serenaders and castratos back in the Old Country.

Davey was particularly fascinated even as a very young child with this class of eunuchs. Highly valued for their pure, high, boyish voices in the bodies of grown men, he was shocked to find what they were willing to do to retain them. He’d never mutilate himself in such a way (would he?) but he recognized their extreme dedication to their art.

So his mother didn’t even blink an eye when he appeared before her one day for his daily “performance” wearing her prettiest dress. He missed it even now. This punk garb was fine but he wanted to feel like that again someday. To sing…and to feel beautiful at the same time would be wonderful.

He remembered that the neighbors had dropped by one day to return something, during one of his childhood “drag shows.” He heard them whispering about him as they walked away. He couldn’t quite hear their words, but the tone was cold and condemning.

He went to his mother to talk to her about it. What was wrong with those people? Didn’t they know Italian music history and that he was proudly following its traditions? She laughed kindly and said, “No, David, I’m afraid they’re terribly ignorant of such matters.”

He said he’d never liked them anyway, not since he’d stayed with them while she was away having Michael. “They said - they didn’t know I was listening - they said you were odd, that you shouldn’t be having another child without a man living here, that your paintings and sculptures are strange and frightening, that you don’t shave your legs like a lady, and that you’re “European,” like that’s a bad thing! I almost shouted, ’My mother’s from Rochester, New York!’ but I knew it wouldn’t be polite.”

He snickered now remembering the look on his mother’s face after that outburst. She was trying desperately not to laugh as she replied, "Well, now. I suppose they think I’m a Socialist from my Caesar Chavez posters and I’m a hippie because I dress in these clothes.” Then she slapped her knees and hooted,”Oh my god, and so do you!”

She instantly regretted the comment, afraid she’d hurt his feelings. She needn’t have worried - it was the neighbors disapproval that still concerned him. Quite serious, he said, “Mama, those people have poison hearts. They’ll never change.”

Equally somber, she gently pulled him into her lap. “David, there are three things I want you to understand. One. Every heart is pure, even if it doesn’t show. Two. Hearts - and people - can, do and will change. Whether for better or for worse, only that person can decide. Which brings us to number three. Many times in your life, like today, someone will hurt you and you will have to choose whether to feel love or to feel hate. My advice is to always choose love.”

She hugged him and said, “Now go play ball with Michael for awhile. He enjoys it even if you don’t. Then come back here and finish your performance.” He slid off her lap, feeling as light as a feather, thinking, ‘She did it again. She made the world right.' He ran to the door to join his little brother in the yard, still wearing his dress. He stopped when he heard her call him back.

“Yes, Ma?”

“Number four. It’s good to be different.” He beamed at her in acknowledgement.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Davey found the brightest star in the desert sky and made a promise. ‘Someday, I’ll take my mother to Tuscany to see her ancestral lands. And I’ll take her to Mexico to see the Black Madonna of Guadalupe. Mom doesn’t bow down before many gods but I think she’ll find her worthy. Someday, when I have lots of money. Someday…when I’m a star.’

 

  



	3. Chapter 3

The sunrise over the desert was breathtaking. Davey felt rested, despite little sleep. He sat-up - damn, it was cold - crawled out of his sleeping bag and plodded through the sand a reasonable distance before releasing a stream of urine. It sounded like a cannon had been fired.

Davey thought, ‘The acoustics in this place are amazing. When everyone’s awake, I’m going to suggest band practice.’ He trudged back through the deep sand to his sleeping bag. As his steps sank , he wondered what it would be like to be buried beneath sand, like the ancient pharaohs. He no longer cared how morbid his thoughts seemed, he’d accepted long ago it was simply the way his mind worked.

He stopped cold when he was standing near the still-sleeping Jade and his own empty bag. At the foot of their sleeping bags was a pattern in the sand - an undulating line that began just before Jade’s and ended just past his own.

He knelt and gently tousled Jade’s short waves. “Jade. Wake up, please. It’s important.” Jade opened his eyes and saw Davey above him, bathed in a kaleidoscope of sunrise colors. ‘Beautiful. Am I dreaming?’ he wondered.

“Come here. You need to see something,” Davey whispered.

“Dave, not more road kill. You can’t save it, too late.” Jade began to snuggle deeper into his sleeping bag.

“Oh, be quiet and look. I’m serious.” Davey shook Jade’s leg through the fabric.

They knelt together at the foot of Jade’s bag and studied the wavy line in the sand. “Jade, do you know what that is?” The awe in his voice indicated he should.

“Uh…umm…” Jade mumbled.

Davey took his hand and intertwined their fingers. “That is the trail left by a sidewinder as it passed us in the night. It’s an omen, Jade, linking us together. Have you seen the image of the snake with the tail in it’s mouth? It means eternity. Linked together forever, eternally, endlessly.”

Jade met Davey’s deep gaze and unable to hide his desire, softly asked, “Hey, Psych major, what did Freud say the snake symbolized?”

That was all Davey needed to hear. He was on top of Jade before he took another breath.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Adam blinked in the sunlight, leaning back on the panel truck while he relieved his bladder. He turned his head to the north and stopped mid-stream. He took a few steps forward and squinted. “Oh. Oh. OH!” He hurriedly finished and climbed back in the truck.

“Hunter.” He shook his friend roughly awake.

“Whathefuck,” Hunter groaned.

“Hunter, there’s a mirage out there. To the north.”

“A mirage? Of what? A cold beer, I hope?” Hunter scratched at his chin stubble.

“You won’t believe me.”

“Try me.”

“Okay…A giant army-green sausage is rolling back and forth in the sand.”

Hunter burst into laughter. “No more tequila for you this road trip!”

Adam was very quiet for awhile, preferring Hunter think him hungover rather than tell him exactly what he suspected. Hunter laid back down, retreating from the start of another long, hot day. They had a gig in some small town near Phoenix that night.

Eventually, the truck grew too warm for comfort and Hunter said, “ Alright. Show on the road. Many miles to cover. And I’m starving. We’ve got to find breakfast before I roast one of those woadkill wabbits Dave gets so emo over…Hey, where is he…and Jade?”

Suddenly alarmed, he asked, “Do you think they’re okay?! Davey was talking about snakes and spiders and shit. I’m going to find them!”

Hunter was out of the truck and running, then realized he didn’t know where to look. Adam laughed at him and said, “North,” pointing in that direction. Hunter ran as best he could, slipping in the sand, for several yards before stopping dead in his tracks.

Adam called, “Is the mirage still there?” Hunter didn’t answer, just stared at the sight. Not far away were two pale, nude bodies pressed together in a position that reminded him of the symbol for eternity.

He let out a long, low whistle before he recovered and yelled, “Hey, you guys! Finish up! You’re gonna get sunburned!” He turned to Adam and muttered, “I’ll be damned,” shaking his head. Adam’s smile was a lop-sided grin that read , “Told you so.”

Hunter climbed up into the driver’s seat and said, “Interesting,” to no one in particular. Adam said, “I tried to tell you.” Hunter laughed, running a hand through his spiked, magenta hair. “Like shit you did. Rolling green sausage mirage? Why didn’t you just say, ’Jade and Dave are out there sucking each other off in the sand ?’ ”

“I knew this was going to happen.” Adam nodded knowingly.

“Really? How so?”

“Dave’s been flirting with Jade since New Orleans.”

“He flirts with lampposts, for chrissakes. And you and me, for that matter.”

“Well, maybe he won’t anymore, now that he has Jade.”

“ ’Has Jade?’ Are you jealous, Adam? You’re gonna miss the flirting, aren’t you? It’s okay, I’ll still flirt with you.” Hunter squeezed Adam’s knee.

Adam slapped it away. “No! No. It just changes everything…”

They sat in silence, looking out through the windshield at Davey and Jade, like watching tv. The friends were lost in their own thoughts.

“Looks like they’re done. Let’s roll out the welcome mat.” Hunter opened the door and walked towards the two approaching lovers.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________  
Shirtless, unzipped pants hanging loosely from narrow hips, glistening with sweat and sand, Jade and Davey dragged their sleeping bags back to the truck. They were grinning like fools. Davey waved.

Hunter stepped out to greet them. “Welcome home, campers. Are we happy campers?”

“Very happy,” panted Davey. The heat was building rapidly.

“Then let’s get in this truck, out of this inferno, find civilization and FOOD!,” Hunter replied.

“Civilization…a shower would be great.” It was the first thing Jade had said since they got back to the truck.

“Sure would,” Davey chimed in.

Adam glowered at him. “Not together! You’ll get stomped to death by some truckers! You two have got to be cool!”

He continued to lecture. “We have a lot of small towns between us and home. And you,” pointing at Davey, “are not in the Castro. Mention Castro in these places and some hick will pull out his shotgun and you won’t hear him yell “Communist” before you’re gone.”

Davey had grown more and more subdued as Adam ranted. When he’d finished, Davey said quietly, “Do I hear you saying you’re ashamed of me, Adam? Now I’m not good enough for the band?” Suddenly, the sun was making his eyes water.

Hunter stepped in. “Dave. Of course you’re good enough for the band. We need you. You _are_ AFI.”

Davey felt like he’d been slapped. Hunter proceeded with foot in mouth. “You're the one they come to see, to hear, to touch. We wouldn’t exist without you…” he finished weakly.

Davey’s proud chin trembled a little. “Think me naïve, but I thought I was _part_ of a band called AFI, not being used by said band to sell tickets.” He walked away and stood alone on the shady side of the truck.

He hated this feeling, thinking he’d found somewhere to belong, only to be told he didn’t. Again. ‘How did I ever end up here? Heaven, an hour ago. Present location, Hell.’

He felt miserable, he needed Jade. Like magic, Jade appeared. “We’re all too hot and hungry to discuss anything rationally. Seriously, Dave, we’ve got to get out of the desert.”

Jade ran a finger down Davey’s spine and leaned into him. “Think about what we have now, you and I. Nothing will take that away, ever.”

He knew just what to say. Davey looked into his warm, brown eyes and whispered, “I want you so badly right now, I can taste you.”

Jade chortled, “Probably because some of me is still in your mouth.” He braced himself on the truck with his hands on either side of Davey and pressed his thin, sweaty body against him. Just as their lips were about to meet, Adam appeared around the corner, saying, “Jade, you’re driving first…uh, oh, sorrry.”

Jade jumped away from Davey. “Sure, no problem, man.”

He placed his hands on Davey’s shoulders and pulled him away from the truck, steering him towards the passenger door. “Get in, babe. We’re goin’ for a ride.”

Jade jumped into the driver’s seat and gunned the engine. “All aboard! Batten down the hatches!”

“Please stop mixing metaphors,” Davey’s double major in English showing.

They picked up speed and Davey leaned his head out of the window, mouth open wide.

“What are you doing?!” Jade yelled.

“Eating the wind!” Davey yelled back.

“And lots of bugs!” Jade retorted.

Davey ducked his head back into the truck.

“Hey, don’t stop on my account, Renfrew.”

Davey slapped at Jade’s knee. Jade slapped back.

Adam yelled, “Cut it out, you two!”

Davey rolled his eyes and leaned over to Jade and said loudly, “We have to be really quiet. My dad’s home.”

“Like mice,” Jade nodded in agreement.

“Little mice,” Davey emphasized.

“Tiny mice.”

“Like mice microscopic!”

They were both giggling, a little too hysterically, sunstruck.

Hunter glanced at Adam and mimicked Edvard Munch’s _The Scream._

Davey noticed and announced, “We’re frightening the children. Until further notice, we - you and I - will behave as adults."

Jade agreed. Five minutes of silence passed then Davey observed, “This sucks.”

Jade echoed, “Yeah, sucks.”

Davey, “Really sssucks.”

Jade, “Mmmm, sssucks.”

“Sucks again and again,” Davey lisped seductively.

“Don’t stop sucks, ” Jade answered.

“Look! I’ve got a hard-on!” Davey screamed. They fell toward each other in hysterics.

Adam stuck his head between the seats and threatened, “Am I going to have to separate you two?!”  
That’s when he saw the city looming in the distance.

“Not a minute too soon,” he sighed to Hunter.

 

  



	4. Chapter 4

Jade reluctantly slipped his hand from underneath Davey’s. For a split second he considered sliding it up his other thigh, unimpeded by the slender, five-fingered stop sign posted on the one he’d just left. ‘I must be desperate - thinking of molesting him in his sleep.’

Instead, he drew a fingertip lightly along Davey’s jaw line, so long and strong, ‘And so in need of a shave,’ he smiled to himself. Again he noticed that Davey’s lower lip was swollen around his piercing and once more he felt that twitch of anxiety in his gut. But the anxiety was losing against the desire to lick that lip, slide the tip of his tongue over it, flick against the hard barrier of teeth until they opened to let him explore the roof of that mouth…

‘Why am I torturing myself,’ he thought as he quickly rose and strode to the door. He stopped for one last look at his beautiful one, stretched out on the bed . A shiver passed through Jade, there was something somber, almost funereal about the scene.

‘Even when we’re beyond old and gray…’ He thought he’d love Davey even beyond death, if that was possible. An image of Davey, decades from then, flashed in his mind.

Bathed in sunlight, in a tiny room filled with books and several black cats, Davey was studying old maps. Above his head, hung an honorary Ph.D. in Fine Arts from U.C. Berkeley. His hair was silver, down to his shoulders, full of natural waves. Dressed in a sleeveless tee and cutoffs, Jade saw that his wings had faded to a soft baby-blue and his sleeves were swirls of watercolor.

The chiseled features of his face had aged beautifully. Time is kind to a face like that. His lipring had been removed years before, leaving a permanent pucker. The smile lines that had fanned out from his eyes even when he was young reached across his forehead and down his cheeks.

His eyes were as soft and brown and clear as ever. He was planning this year’s big trip. Last year it was Egypt and the Hebrides and a few days to visit his mother’s grave in Italy, as they did every year. “Has to be Africa and India this time,” he was saying. “What do you think, Jade?”

“I think I’ll love you ‘til I die and beyond,” Jade answered the vision aloud. Supposedly lost in sleep, Davey heard him and, when he was sure Jade had gone and closed the door behind him, he rolled over to bury his face in the pillow and soak it with hot, guilty tears.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Hours later, Jade heard the shower running. ‘Attempt a quickie or once again delay gratification,’ he pondered. He recalled a similar occasion when he’d gone for the quickie and regretted it all day. It had left him disoriented and hornier than ever. Well, the shower was stopping anyway. Jade turned the door knob.

“What the fuck?!” he yelled. Silence answered from behind the locked door. He was rattling it furiously. Then he was pounding on the wood panels. This had never happened, never. Davey had never locked a door against him.

For no reason he could tell, it opened and Davey’s half-shaven face stared at him as if he’d gone crazy.

“Why did you lock me out?! Why?!”

“I didn’t…lock you out. I didn’t know. The button must’ve been pushed in and locked when I closed it.” Davey hated dishonesty and realized he hadn’t stopped lying since he came home.

Jade was breathing hard, his face flushed. Where had that rage come from, he wondered. It had certainly killed his desire. All he said was, “Hurry up. I’ve got a decent meal waiting for you,” and he was gone.

Davey slumped over the sink, weak with relief to be left alone. ‘This is a truly twisted situation. Jade’s ready to punch me and I’m relieved?,’ he asked his reflection. ’I am so screwed.’ He leaned in to get a closer look at his lower lip - it was swollen.

‘How did that hap…’ He watched his pupils dilate as the memory formed. Everything blocked from view by Navarro’s plunging pelvis, charging at his mouth over and over as he fucked his face, Davey struggling not to strangle on the huge thing. How he had loved every second of it.

Suddenly exhausted, he sat down heavily on the marble ledge of the garden tub. “Ouch.” Another memory threatened to return and, frightened, he willed it away. He heard Jade yelling to him. “Davey! Get down here and eat. Now!”

He didn’t move. He sat there, holding his face in his hands, staring at his feet. He asked them, “What am I going to do?”

Jade stood in the doorway, astonished that his lover appeared to be querying his feet. Quietly, calmly, Jade asked, “About what, Dave?” He was getting worried now. He’d been too frustrated at the time by the repeated rebuffs to really notice, but Davey had looked like shit when he opened the bathroom door. Pale as a ghost, with red, swollen eyes ringed in dark lavender circles. He didn’t look like someone who’d just napped well and showered. He must be getting sick.

He’d never tell anyone before a show. Jade had seen Davey perform through high fevers, abscessed teeth and a fractured ankle. Yes, a fractured ankle. His foot had turned ever so slightly as he hit the stage, coming off Adam’s drum riser. No one guessed what had happened, just that he had embellished the landing somehow. He finished the show, came off stage and fainted.

Being there for the fans was a sacred duty as far as Davey was concerned and Jade knew it. No point in nagging. He’d go on stage no matter what was wrong. The man was so damn stubborn.

So Jade just reminded him, “We go on in three hours and we have to warm up. You know the traffic in L.A. The price we pay for this house away from the city instead of a hotel next to the venue is a long, smoggy ride back into town.”

“Okay. Just tell me what time…”

Jade interrupted, “And let Leslie do your make-up. She’s fast and she’s good. You kit’s in the bus, isn’t it?” Davey nodded. “I’ll call her now and tell her to be ready for you.” Jade turned to go.

“Jade.” He turned back to see what Davey wanted, a tiny part of him hoping it would be a kiss, surely they had time for a kiss.

"When do you want me in the car?” was all Davey said.

The curtness of Jade’s reply hid his painful disappointment. “Twenty minutes. I’m getting Smith now.”  
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Jade thought the show was satisfactory. He’d been a little worried; Davey’s withdrawal didn’t improve during the drive to the venue. Adam and Hunter had gone into town ahead of them, having a lunch date with friends and the rest of the crew had stayed on the buses, so it was just the three of them in the car. With the exception of Smith’s _Mindless Self-Indulgence_ music, the ride was silent.

Jade had told Smith about Davey’s odd behavior and appearance since getting in from the club that morning.

“So what are you sayin'? He’s sick or something?”

“Dunno. He won’t say. I just feel it here,” Jade said, tapping his belly.

“Maybe his straightedge went a little crooked at the club last night,” Smith smirked.

“Not even funny, dumbass.” Ugh. Jade and Davey had no sense of humor regarding that subject.

“Well, bro, let me ply him with my charms. I’m sure I’ll get somethin' outta him.”

“’Preciate it.”  
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Smith wandered off in search of the “brother-in-law.” The show was over and now where was Davey? He had looked much better afterwards, the adrenaline from performing had improved his mood considerably.

It hadn’t helped Jade much. The two or three times Davey had played at intimacy with him on stage - a moan or a few words sung inches from his mouth, a hand wrapped possessively around his shoulder - had only left him more dejected. Davey was only playing for the crowd and they both knew it.

‘Ah, here comes Smith.’ Jade wondered what he’d found out from Davey. “Did you talk to him?” Jade was anxious for the mystery to end.

“Nope. He grabbed Adam as soon as we finished. I think they headed for the bus.” Exasperated by Davey’s continuing avoidance of him, Jade nearly sprinted in that direction, with Smith following close behind.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________

They found Davey and Adam there but before they could sit down Adam took Jade up to the front of the bus to "show him something.” Smith thought this was too easy - he was alone with Davey. Smith settled down with a beer, determined to find out what was up with his friend.

“Dave, sit down, man. Smiffy says r-e-l-a-x.”

“Gotta shower, obviously, Smith. But I’d like you to be here when I get out.”

‘That’s interesting,’ Smith thought but just said, “This is only my first beer, dude. I’ll be here.”

“Good. Keep a clear head, please.” Davey was counting on Adam to get Jade off the bus and keep him away for a few hours so he could talk to Smith.

He’d caught Adam as soon as they’d ended their set, while Jade was still handing off his guitars. He’d grabbed him by the biceps, looked straight into his eyes, called on all the charisma he possessed and said, "If I ever needed a favor from you in my life, it’s now.”

Adam started to laugh but he could feel that this wasn’t Davey’s usual drama. “Okay, Dave…”

“Adam, I mean it!”

“I can see that. If I can do it, I will. Now what do you need me to do?”

“Get Jade off the bus as soon as possible and take him somewhere for at least three hours.” Davey didn’t know why he specified three hours. If Smith’s only response to his news was to punch him in the face, it could be over in five minutes.

“That’s it? Not exactly Mission Impossible…” Adam was beginning to suspect Davey’s usual exaggeration.

“I’ll take a long shower. Get him off the bus before I’m done.”

“Planning a surprise, eh, Dave?” Davey blanched.

"Please do this!” He sounded desperate. Davey needed plenty of time alone with Smith. If he was going to break Jade’s heart, he’d better prepare his brother. Jade was going to need him.

He hoped he’d survive Smith’s response. All the same, if a good thrashing could erase what he’d done or save Jade from knowing about it, he’d gladly volunteer.

It was inevitable that Jade would know about it - Dave Navarro had just made it clear to him that sparing anyone’s feelings was not on his agenda.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Navarro had gotten to Davey as soon as his feet touched ground from the stage steps. A powerful hand had locked onto his wrist and pulled him into the shadows beneath the stairs. As his mouth opened to form a shout for help, it was smothered by Navarro’s crushing lips, his throat nearly blocked by his tongue.

His eyes, wide with surprise, stared into Navarro’s and what he saw there stopped his blood cold. Unadulterated lust mixed with malevolence. He had seen that look the night before and it had frightened him so much he’d been careful not to meet his gaze again. Now it was joined by something even more disturbing - a smug sense of possession.

Davey tore his mouth away from Navarro’s and hissed, “How dare you…” A stab of pain in his shoulder stopped the curse mid-sentence. His own fist pushed into his shoulder blades. In one swift motion, Navarro had whipped Davey’s arm behind him, effectively immobilizing and pressing him into his chest, large-gauge nipple-rings threatening to bruise.

“How dare I?” Navarro smirked. “Well, Miss Manners - I mean _Miss Murder_..." (showing his disdain for AFI's new "softer" sound) "...how dare you cocktease like that for half an hour on stage then pretend to be shocked when I grab a backstage pass, so to speak?”

“Navarro, let go! You got what you wanted last night, now leave me the fuck alone!” Navarro’s eyes narrowed to slits and he increased the twist in Davey’s shoulder.

“That’s what I thought. That somehow between you last orgasm and the morning light , your convoluted little mind would twist what happened to be _all my fault_. You better get it clear, crystal clear, that it was 100% consensual.”

Navarro’s laugh was cruel. “I had to be sure. I saw the look of trepidation when you saw the size of my dick.”

The pain in Davey’s shoulder wasn’t letting up and neither was Dave Navarro. “Remember I asked, ‘do you want this?’ and you said, ‘Yes.’ And then I asked you, ‘Yes, what? What do you want, Havok?’ What was your answer? Say it!”

A searing stab of pain made Davey whimper and that made him angry. Through humiliated, angry tears, Davey repeated his answer from the night before.

“What?! I can’t hear you. Louder!”

Just above a whisper, Davey said, “I want you to fuck me.”

“Look me in the eyes like you did last night and say it!”

Davey mentally pleaded, “Not those eyes again,” but he knew he had to end this now before his shoulder was dislocated or someone heard them under the stairs and the entire Vans tour knew what had happened between the two of them last night. Jade must not find out that way.

Davey raised his eyes to meet Navarro’s infernal stare and answered with the steadiest voice he could muster. “I want you to fuck me.” With a lurch of his stomach, his shoulder was released and Navarro was gone. He felt a little faint and thoroughly shaken. Navarro was no longer there but Davey swore he could still hear his threat: “We’re not through yet, babe.”

 

  



	5. Chapter 5

While Davey waited anxiously on the bus to confess his sins to Smith, Dave Navarro sauntered around the grounds of the Warped Tour venue. With his toned, tanned, tattooed body glistening with sweat in the late afternoon sun, he was a sight to behold.

His beautiful face was composed of high cheek bones, a straight nose and broad, full lips. Heavy black brows above dark, almond-shaped eyes gave him a seductive, menacing expression. A trim goatee emphasized his masculinity while his gait had a feline grace. He turned the heads of men and women everywhere he went.

He poured some more cool water from the bottle onto his head, tipping it back so it drizzled down his neck and torso, pooling in the arch at the small of his strong back, leaving a dark wet patch there at the waist of his hip-hugging jeans. He slicked his black hair back with one pass of his large, guitarist hand.

The lowering sun glinted off the piercing rings in his nipples and ears and the silver chain he wore loosely on his wrist. His only clothing was the tight jeans and a pair of heavy boots.

Through heavily hooded eyes, he surveyed the various stages, pondering which belonged to the band he’d be playing with in an hour. He’d lost count of the bands he’d been a member of after Jane’s Addiction. As in his romantic relationships, he had a difficult time settling down in one for long. In both love and music, he was happier acting as a free agent.

He decided he’d polish off a beer before soundcheck. Having determined his band’s stage set-up, he settled himself on the steps and started to work on a Corona Extra. A random glance beneath the stairs made him think of his recent exchange with Davey Havok.

His mind was still reeling over having finally fucked the guy. He couldn’t wait to do it again. He was a great lay and Navarro knew he hadn’t even been trying. It was a shame he’d apparently frightened him just now.

Navarro knew that wasn’t the way back into bed with him but he’d gone so emo and puritanical about it all, he had to set him straight. And direct action, rather than talking, was the winning technique with Havok. Let the man start talking and you were sure to lose.

He wondered why he’d scored after all the years of trying. In fact, his suspicions that he might not be 100% heterosexual began during the benefit concert he’d played with Davey years ago.

Spontaneously he did things to and with him on stage that night he’d never thought of doing to and with another man. Davey Havok kneeling on the floor and grinding his crotch on his foot while he pulled back on his hair and they sang passionately to each other seemed the most natural thing in the world. Navarro decided the queers might be onto something.

He knew, to Davey, it was just showbiz, but personally he’d been blown away and begun a yearning that had gone unfulfilled until last night.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Navarro wondered how it would go down with Puget. Puget had been a jealous woman for years where he was concerned and he hoped all this wouldn’t affect AFI. Well, if it did, that wasn’t his fault. Jade needed to grow up and realize you can’t own people and just get over what had gone down between him and Davey. Havok was a man, after all, not his trained pet on a leash, and he was way too sexy to give it all in one place. If he wanted to keep him, he’d have to understand he needed to set him free.

Neither would admit it, but it wasn’t all about Davey. There was professional jealousy, too, at play. That made Navarro’s conquest all the sweeter. He’d endured daggers flying at him from those puppy-dog eyes for much too long.

Every time they’d met casually over the years on tour, at a party or in restaurants, Davey had graciously acknowledged Navarro’s compliments, flashed a smile, sometimes placed an air-kiss near his cheek, then turned to the next friend, acquaintance or fan with open arms.

Jade was always hovering nearby in Ninja attack mode. Once when he’d been graced with one of Davey’s friendly hugs, Navarro had reached down and lightly squeezed one ass-cheek. With the other hand, he’d saluted Jade with the middle finger and silently mouthed, “Fuck you” over Davey’s shoulder.

Jade had pushed his way through the crowd towards them, murder in his eyes. Davey pulled away and, tossing a teasing rebuke at Navarro in parting, glided towards a group of his friends, calling to Jade to join them. Jade changed direction to answer his call but not before he shouted at Navarro over the sea of heads, “You just wait!”

Well, he had waited and patience was a virtue because it had paid off well last night. He had remembered that exchange with Puget while he pumped three long, well-lubed fingers in and out of Havok’s sweet hole in preparation to give him the fucking of his life.

Still, nothing explained why after all those years of being brushed off (ever so sweetly, of course) like an annoying mosquito, Havok had responded with real interest. Sure, the atmosphere at the gay bar where they’d run into each other last night had been charged with sexuality, what with a couple hundred sweaty, shirtless, gorgeous men bumping and grinding to the music’s pulsating beat. But so what? They were rock musicians - partying was their natural element.

He remembered how he’d watched Davey on the dance floor, seemingly lost in his own private world, moving in a fluid freestyle. Except for the dozen men - whom he barely noticed - that joined him briefly before flowing on to the next (hopefully more responsive) partner, Davey was alone.

Alone?! Was it possible the keeper of his chastity had let him go out alone? To a gay bar in West Hollywood? Or had Davey slipped away without permission? Navarro scanned the crowd for Puget, Burgan, Carson, Nils - nowhere to be seen.

‘Hot damn. This just might be my lucky night,’ he gloated, excitement already stirring in his groin.

The music faded and the MC came on stage to announce the night’s featured entertainment. Jeffree Star.

‘Ugh, what a freak,’ Navarro thought ‘Ah, that would explain why Havok is here sans posse. Puget actually seems to encourage the boyfriend hanging out with that she-male. With his martial arts skills, he could probably whip that scrawny ass if he wanted to but…’

An image of Davey and Jeffree unclothed and intimate arose in his mind. ‘Gross, no way. I’ll save him from that.’ He pushed his way to the bar to grab a bottle of water to offer Davey.

Water in hand, Navarro made a bee-line for Davey, watching for any of his guardians to appear but none did. He slid into the small space behind Davey, leaned into his ear while reaching around with the bottle and said, “You’re hot. Have this.”

Davey suspected some stranger making a crude come-on and whipped around, annoyance plain on his face. It melted immediately as he recognized the familiar face of Dave Navarro. He exclaimed, “Oh, Dave, nice to see you here! Mmm, water, great, thanks! Isn’t Jeffree good?”

Navarro noticed Davey tested the cap’s seal to be sure it was still unbroken before twisting it off and raising it to his lips. He didn’t take it personally, just observed wryly, ‘Straightedgers in bars, so afraid someone will spike their water and they’ll actually relax and enjoy themselves.I don’t care if he’s Ghandi reincarnated, tonight I’m going to show him a good time. And we’ll do it his way, no alcohol, so ecstasy, no special k.’

“Isn’t Jeffree good?’ Davey hadn’t waited for an answer from Navarro. He lept into the air to grab the imaginary kiss Jeffree Star had blown to him from the stage. Navarro wondered how Davey had known it was aimed at him, over the heads of the dozens of men between them. He had obviously been right because Star clapped delightedly at the catch. He beamed a smile at Davey and Davey had beamed back.

Navarro didn’t know why Jeffree and Davey were so close or the history they shared. He didn’t know about the way they’d met on a damp, bone-chilling New Year’s Eve in San Francisco two years earlier. Jeffree was a shivering, strung out, malnourished eighteen-year-old streetwalker who approached Davey and offered to do anything he wanted for twenty dollars.

Davey took him to his favorite local restaurant and told him to eat his fill. While Jeffree stuffed himself, Davey made calls to his sXe friends and arranged a series of temporary homes for him to spend the winter in. He asked Jeffree his story and was told how his small-town father had thrown him out of his home when he walked in on him in full drag.

They always met at the same restaurant the following New Year’s Eves, celebrating Jeffree’s progress over the previous year. Quite simply, Jeffree owed Davey his life and he adored him. Davey admired Jeffree’s courageous bravura in one so young.

“I’ve got to get backstage during intermission…” Davey apologized and began to move away, as the interlude began and the music began to pump again.

Navarro caught him by the waist. “One little dance first ,” he said into Davey’s ear, holding him from behind. He began to sway him to the beat. He braced himself for the brush-off he was sure was coming but Davey hesitated and found himself caught up in the rhythm. He increased their swaying. Navarro pressed the hardness in his jeans against Davey’s ass and Davey let his head fall back against Navarro’s shoulder.

Davey closed his eyes and Navarro slid his hands down the front of his thighs, felling how taut the material of his pants was over his crotch. He ran the tip of his tongue around the edge of Davey’s ear and whispered, “Come home with me now.” Davey let him pull him backwards through the crowd towards the exit.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________

When the curtains opened again and Jeffree Star returned to the stage amid loud applause and hoots of approval, he couldn’t find Davey’s face in the audience. Then he spotted his back, going out the front entrance. He wasn’t alone any longer. Jeffree strained to see who was beside him, walking with his arm around his shoulders. Sure as hell wasn’t Jade. Just some friend, he guessed. He was truly hurt that Davey hadn’t stayed for the entire show and come backstage afterward. Something must’ve happened for him to leave early - hopefully, nothing serious.

 

 

  



	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing but hot cheating sex.

Navarro knew time and silence were of the essence. His driver seemed to understand, too and sped through the back streets. In the meantime, Navarro kept his mouth on Davey’s (he’d noticed how difficult it was to shut him up once he started talking, especially when nervous.) He kept up a steady rubbing of his nipples, crotch and buttocks to raise his endorphin level, essentially drugging him with his own biochemistry.

The driver pulled into an undergound garage, where they took a wrought-iron elevator up into the center of the magnificent house Navarro had shared with his wife, Carmen for the past two years. Davey was intrigued by the unusual lighting, low and strange and couldn’t help asking, “Who gets to keep this place?”

“You know how that goes. Probably neither one of us. It’s all in the pre-nup but I haven’t looked at it since we signed it. That’s what I hire lawyers for.”

“Was it difficult?” Davey asked sympathetically.

“Was what difficult?”

“You know, the breakup…” (It had only been a few months since Navarro and his wife had separated.)

Davey was distracted by the Caesar artwork emerging from the gloom as his eyes adjusted to the lighting. “Oh, wonderful! You know I collect…”

Navarro seized him by his upper arms and pushed him backward until he collided with the wall behind him, one wrist pinned against it. Navarro’s other hand was covering his mouth.

Inches from Davey’s, Navarro’s eyes burned into his. “You didn’t come here for a celebrity home tour, or to discuss art or my marital problems. Will. You. Please. Stop. Talking.” Davey nodded.

‘He’s right. I won’t be drinking peach-ginger tea with him at sunrise, with his cat curled up in my lap. I came here to be fucked senseless by one of the most gorgeous men on earth and call myself a cab in the cold morning light,’ Davey admitted to himself.

Navarro saw the expression of surrender come into the warm, brown eyes and knew he’d be quiet now. He was ready to get down to it. He replaced the hand covering Davey’s mouth with his own and slid the hand down his “sleeve”until it stopped at the wrist, both now pinned against the wall.

Davey found this maddeningly frustrating as he wanted nothing more than to caress and explore Dave Navarro’s body. All he could use was his tongue on whatever he could reach with it. He pushed his chest against Navarro’s, ground his pelvis into his, rubbed his thighs and knees with his own.

Navarro let go of Davey long enough to strip off both their tshirts, then he unzipped Davey’s jeans and pushed them down to his knees. ‘Oh, the relief,’ Davey sighed as his erection sprang up, finally free.

‘Now I’ll return the courtesy…’ but both wrists were once again pinned. Navarro was still clothed from the waist down and pressing hard against Davey’s bare skin. How could he know that this was Davey’s greatest turn-on? Only Jade knew that he was driven wild by the feel of a clothed lover against his own nakedness.

Jade had teased, “Master David must be a secret sub. That’s a really vulnerable situation you’re in, you know.” Davey had replied, “I don’t care. Just clasp my cock between your denim-clad legs, baby…”

“Okay, if you’ll do laundry…” Jade had smiled and kissed him. “Gladly…” Davey had said as he wedged his erection as tight as he could between Jade’s clothed, firm thighs.

The memory blended into the present but it wasn’t Jade clasping him. That was so wrong - why didn’t it matter, he wondered, as he bit his lip and thrust harder and faster against Dave Navarro. He banged his head back against the wall as he arched and gasped, “I’m going to…going to…ohh.” He slid down the wall, melting from the intense orgasm.

Navarro wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly. “I’m…I’m…sorry,” Davey muttered, embarrassed by his lack of self-control.

“What the hell for?!” Navarro didn’t understand how Davey could be regretful for being so responsive.

“I’ve ended the night before it began, I’m afraid…Just let me catch my breath. I’m sure I can satisfy you…”

“You’re kidding , right? That was so hot! My god, you are so hot! And as far as ending the night …that was a fantastic beginning!”

Navarro hesitated. “Look, I know you’re straightedge but…want to try a Viagra? I’ve already had one, as you can tell,” pressing against Davey and grinning. “These pants are killing me.”

Davey started to fumble with Navarro’s belt but he was stopped, picked up and carried down the hall. His jeans had slid down to his ankles and now dangled over his feet. With one scissor kick ,they flew off.

“Damn, you’re good at that,” Dave laughed.

Now completely nude, Davey was lowered onto a huge platform bed that sat low to the floor. Navarro rolled him onto his stomach, straddled his waist and began to massage his shoulders.

“Anyone ever made your wings flutter?” he asked as he worked his way down Davey’s back.

“Ummm, I don’t know…”

“Well, tonight they will, I promise they will.”

Suddenly, Navarro stood and peeled off his pants. He walked over to the dresser and opened a drawer.

Davey half-sat, half-lay on the bed, leaning against the wall, watching Navarro’ preparations. Like a craftsman laying out needed tools, he placed a box of condoms and a tube of lubricant on the bed near Davey.

Davey tried not to think about how many other men and women had contributed to Navarro’s nonchalant routine. Davey vowed to be vigilant and be sure they were sheathed at all times.

It was an awkward moment for Davey, an interruption. He and Jade never used protection. They’d both been straightedge for so long, it didn’t seem necessary. And they’d always been faithful - until tonight. Navarro faced Davey and looked up and down his body.

“Look, I can’t wait much longer,” he nearly panted as he crawled up the bed towards Davey. As he hovered over him, he asked, “Sure you don’t want some chemical help?” Davey shook his head vigorously.

“Then I’ll do most of the work. Most, not all.” He grinned again. He grasped Davey’s ankles and pushed them towards his buttocks, making his knees bend. He crawled and pushed until they did indeed touch Davey’s ass, opening him wide. Davey’s eyes grew wide, too and he was suddenly breathing hard in anticipation.

Navarro realized he didn’t know Davey’s rules regarding oral/anal sex but he guessed he was the fastidious type, even with a rubber, at least with strangers. If he wanted Davey to give him head they better do it before they got down and dirty. He straightened Davey’s legs and straddled his waist, amused by the puzzled look on Davey‘s face.

“I want you to give me head first,” he explained.

“Oh! Of course, I said I’d be happy to satisfy you…”

“No. I still want to come inside you later. I just want to know what else that famous mouth can do besides sing,” he leered.

Davey tried not to roll his eyes at the unoriginal comment. Instead, he focused on “I still want to come inside you” echoing around in his head, arousing him. Navarro moved up where he could slide into Davey’s mouth, not particularly caring whether or not Davey was comfortable. He didn’t bother with a condom, assuming saliva was a decent barrier. Anyway, this wouldn’t take long.

Davey was amazed at how very hard Navarro was due to the drug. He placed his hands firmly on Navarro’s thighs hoping to maintain some control of his cock’s movements. He wasn’t sure about something so large near his airway.

Navarro would’ve been pleased with just all Davey could do with his lips, tongue and throat if he’d given him half the chance. Davey was so sensitive he could taste if Jade had pissed out a cinnamon dulce from Peet’s earlier in the day. Jade insisted that was impossible but Davey proved himself right over and over again with his guesses. It was a game they both enjoyed playing.

Davey could make nuanced love with his mouth but Navarro had no time for that. He just wanted to see Davey Havok sucking his dick for future reference. He braced himself against the wall behind Davey while he thrust his hips into his face and tried not to gag him. Davey was grateful for the scar tissue around his lipring that would keep it from tearing.

“Oh fuck, enough, don’t wanna…” With a loud pop, Navarro pulled quickly out of the suction Davey had been applying to him. He scooted down until he lay on Davey and began kissing him so he could taste himself.

He stopped and got off the bed. He knelt beside it and pulled Davey’s legs towards him, indicating he wanted him to bring his bottom to the edge. Once Davey had done so, Navarro lifted his knees and placed them over his shoulders.

He leaned forward, braced on his hands and stared into Davey’s eyes as he settled between his thighs, his cock dangerously close to Davey’s unprepped entrance. He laughed. “Don’t worry. I’ll prep you.” He ran the pad of his thumb up and down Davey’s perineum. Davey closed his eyes and leaned his head back, willing himself to relax and enjoy the touch.

Navarro wanted to take him then and there and hurriedly introduced two fingers into him. As hard as he was on the Viagra, he’d have no trouble getting all the way into him if he didn’t prep him, but at what cost?

If he tore, it would end the fun for the night. Or would it? Maybe he was into bloodsports. “I leave a stain because I bleed.” He wrote that, didn’t he? It wouldn’t hurt to ask.

“Havok. Do you want…do you have any…you know, special requests? Anything you want, I’m up for.”

“Such as…?”

“Well…does the sight of blood turn you on? Could be yours, mine, whatever.”

‘Whoa, what am I getting myself into here?’ Davey worried, feeling vulnerable with his feet in the air..  
“I can’t leave with any wounds or marks. You know that.”

“Stay til they heal,” Navarro smirked.

“I think the longer I stayed, the more I’d get.” Davey asserted. “I do have a fetish - name calling.”

Navarro was flicking at his nipples with his tongue. “Want me to call you dirty names. Sounds fun,” he murmured.

Davey squirmed under Navarro’s tongue. A bit breathlessly he said, “No, just my name. Why do you always call me Havok? It’s just a stage name. Call me Davey.”

Navarro had stopped listening and was working a third finger into Davey’s anus. Davey moaned involuntarily as Navarro began to pump the three fingers in and out of him. “Oh fuck, that feels good,” he sighed and squeezed his eyes shut tight against an image of Jade’s long, talented fingers working their magic on him. This wasn’t Jade but his body didn’t seem to mind at all.

Davey was stretching generously and Navarro was out of patience. He wanted to fuck him, now. He withdrew his fingers and reached for a condom. He tore the wrapper open with his teeth, rolled it on and lubed his cock faster than he ever had in his life. Davey reached for his hips, wanting to be filled.

Navarro wasn’t nearly as gentle as he’d planned to be and buried his entire length deep inside Davey in one motion, hitting his prostate dead on. Davey let out a high-pitched cry. Navarro held Davey by his bent knees and began to thrust into him, as hard as he wanted.

Davey issued a staccato “Oh. Oh. Oh,” with every thrust. Navarro wanted to get as close as possible to him so he wedged himself even tighter between his thighs and gripped his hips as he ground into him.

Davey was rolling his head back and forth in near-ecstasy. He grabbed his own cock and stroked himself to Navarro’s rhythm. The sight of Davey’s feminine hands with their midnight-blue glitter polish massaging his large engorged cock was nearly too much for the bisexual Navarro.

Davey was getting close, too. He pulled hard at his lipring with his teeth and his moans became cries. His climax hit him all of a sudden and he clutched himself as his cum spurted up like a fountain, some of the hot froth landing on Navarro’s lips and cheek.

Navarro couldn’t resist following Davey’s lead and he growled as he released deep inside him, filling the condom’s reservoir near to bursting. Or at least that’s what Davey feared. He was afraid of getting infected with something should the condom fail or Navarro go soft inside him and the contents leak.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________

 

This particular point in sex with Jade was one of Davey’s favorite things. It was when Jade would collapse onto him, smiling. Quickly going soft, his dick would slip out, followed by a warm oozing of his orgasm. Still breathing hard, he’d kiss each of the stars along Davey’s collarbone and the broken hearts behind his ears, whispering, “Beautiful…”

Davey would wind the fingers of one hand into Jade’s long fringe and seize it, pulling his mouth up to his. An arm would encircle Jade’s narrow torso and hold him tight against his own body, slick with sweat. He’d fervently whisper, “Love you, love you…” Jade would press his still-pounding heart against Davey’s and they’d listen for them to beat in sync.

When had they last done that, Davey wondered. When had Jade last kissed his tats or Davey told him he loved him like that, with his heart bursting with the feeling?

‘Oh, Jade,’ Davey sighed deeply to himself.  
____________________________________________________________________________________

 

He realized nothing like that was going to happen here.

“Hurry, pull out! And be careful not to spill inside me!”

“It’s not quite that easy…”

“What?!”

“I’m not going to go soft and it feels like you’re tightening up.” Davey noticed the pressure was becoming uncomfortable.

“What do you mean, you’re not going to go soft?” He had a repulsive vision of two dogs stuck together in fornication.

“Right. You’ve never done this with Viagra, have you?”

Davey was becoming alarmed. “You’re going to stay hard after the orgasm you just had? That’s unbelievable.”

“Believe it, babe. The wonder of designer drugs.”

“Well, it will just have to hurt, but you need to pull out. And keep your hat on.”

Navarro gave a short laugh and said, “ Relax. Take a deep breath and slooowly exhale…”

Davey complied and was able to release Navarro, to his great relief.

 

 

Navarro rolled the condom down, pinched the tip closed and held it up for Davey . “See? All gone. Feel better now?” Davey knew he was being mocked.

Davey was tired. “I’d just like some water to drink, please.”

Navarro retrieved a bottle from the mini-bar fridge in the corner and offered it to Davey. He reached for a beer but decided on a water for himself, too. “The alcohol would be a turn off to the little nun,“ Navarro thought derisively.

He sat next to Davey and tapped his bottle of water against his and said, “To tonight.” Davey forced a smile. He noticed the white, crusty spots of his dried cum on Navarro’s cheek and lower lip. Slightly embarrassed, he wet a fingertip with his water and wiped them away.

“You should’ve licked it off. It’d be safe - it’s yours.” ‘Teasing me again,’ Davey thought.

“Sorry. I’ve never done that before. Shot it that far, I mean,” Davey’s voice betrayed a bit of awe.

“You’ve never been packed like that before. Nowhere for it to go but up and out. Don’t apologize. Do it again. You’re so damn sexy.” Navarro leaned in to kiss Davey. Davey quickly raised the bottle to his lips and chugged the water. He said, “ I need to freshen up,” walked into the bathroom and locked the door.

Navarro fell back on the bed, not believing his good luck. He felt his erection to determine how much time the Viagra had left. Time enough for one more trick. ‘He’ll be surprised at how much easier it is this time and he’ll enjoy it even more, if that’s possible.’

When Davey returned, he smelled good but looked tired. He was tempted to take a nap but was afraid he’d fall asleep and not wake until daylight.

Seeing the fatigue and creeping anxiety on Davey’s face, Navarro set about seducing him again. “Lie down on your stomach. I’ll finish that backrub.” Navarro once again straddled his waist, his semi-erection lying on Davey’s lower back. He rubbed, pushed and pulled Davey’s muscles, beginning with his shoulders, continuing all the way down to his gluts.

He slid his fingers down the crack in Davey’s ass cheeks until he reached his balls, cupping them with four fingers and inserting his thumb into Davey’s opening. ‘Wow, what a difference from where we started,’ Navarro thought, instantly becoming hard again.

Davey felt Navarro moving on the bed, heard the now familiar tearing of a condom wrapper, smelled the lube and thought, ‘We’re going to fuck again.’ He was glad.

Without being told, he got up on his hands and knees and waited , breathing hard. Navarro’s cock pushed at his entrance and he pushed back, willing himself open. In a rush of heat, Navrro was buried deep inside him again. This time, Davey was nearly fucking him, rearing back to meet every thrust.

There was hunger there, and desperation. Davey arched and straightened his back, tensing and releasing rows of muscles up and down it’s length. It appeared his wings were fluttering. He pulled all the pleasure he could out of the sensations, trying to block the dawning knowledge that soon there’d be hell to pay.

Navarro came and pulled out easily this time. Davey was still throbbing with the need for release. Navarro pushed him over onto his back, with his open legs dangling over the edge of the bed. He knelt on the floor between Davey’s legs, took his cock into his mouth and sucked hard, so hard it almost hurt.

Davey gasped, then began to thrust in and out of his mouth. He sunk his fingers into Navarro’s hair and held his head still. His breathing was loud and ragged. He eyes were shut tight and he whispered, “Please, please,” as he moved his hips. Navarro caught him on a thrust in and sucked so hard he couldn’t pull out again, as if he wanted to suck him dry.

Davey stopped fighting the sucking and just allowed himself to feel it. Waves of intense pleasure built in his groin, until he felt himself crossing that line of no return. With a loud, long, “Aahhh,” he emptied into Navarro’s mouth, almost rising to a sitting position, still gripping his hair. He felt everything rushing out of him in the sustained peak of his climax.

Finally, it began to weaken and he fell back on the bed, not knowing or really caring if Navarro had swallowed. He glanced down. He must’ve swallowed because he still had Davey’s softening dick in his mouth.

Davey gently pushed Navarro’s head away and rolled onto his side. He pulled down some pillows and quickly fell into a restless sleep. He dreamt he and Jade were in a strange house, playing hide and seek. It was Davey’s turn to seek but Jade was nowhere to be found. Davey began to panic, running through long halls, up and down stairs, frantically calling Jade’s name. He went down, down, down into a dark place. He stopped, terrified, sensing a malevolent presence nearby.

He woke with his heart pounding, wondering where he was. He looked at the clock: 4:39 a.m., not long until sunrise. He sat up to find Navarro gone, probably to his own bedroom. Davey suspected they had used a guestroom. ‘How intimate,’ he thought wryly.

Davey went in search of his clothes and found them in the front hall where they’d been so hastily shed. In the guest bath, he washed his hands and face, rinsed with the mouthwash provided and brushed out his after-sex hair as best he could.

On the mirror was a note that read, “ Press 2 to be buzzed out front.” On the glass, in lipstick, was written the name and number of a taxi service. Davey opened a bottle of nail polish that had been left behind and painted on the mirror, “Turn Away.”

He leaned back on his heels and surveyed the mirror, thinking it looked like impromptu art in a frame. He sighed. He called the taxi number on his cell, pressed 2 on the security control panel and left Dave Navarro behind as he entered the pre-dawn chill of Los Angeles.

 

  



	7. Chapter 7

Davey faced one of the most difficult moments of his life. He was preparing to tell Jade’s brother - who was also one of his best friends - the truth of what he’d done. He’d listened through the bathroom door as Adam and Jade said goodbye to Smith. He could hear the reluctance in Jade’s voice - he didn’t want to go without saying goodbye to his lover.

Adam kept his promise to Davey and hustled Jade out anyway. Hunter had gone directly to their rental in the hills with a lady friend for some privacy. As planned by both, Davey and Smith would be alone. Neither knew the other’s motive.

Smith was starting his second beer and munching on some chips when Davey emerged from the bathroom. He looked good in a worn pair of pale-blue jeans and a tight silver-gray tshirt, his hair washed and straightened, for as long as the humidity allowed. He’d shaved his 5 o’clock shadow and wore no makeup except the eyeliner that remained despite the performance and shower. Smudged, but that MAC was good stuff. His lips were moist with a clear sunscreen.

He got a bottle of water and turned to face Smith. His hand shook a little as he fumbled with the cap. He was glad Smith spoke first, afraid his voice would shake, too.

“For you,” he said, holding a small folded piece of paper up between two fingertips. Davey reached for it, hoping Smith wouldn’t notice the shaking. Davey opened it to find the words, “Remember I love you. Your fuck (drawing of a bunny), Jade.”

It was the last straw. Davey sank into a chair at the small table where Smith sat. He crumpled the note in his hand and began to cry, a tear silently spilling out of his eye. Smith was alarmed.

“Dave! Man, what’s wrong?” he placed his hand on Davey’s shoulder. He took the note from Davey and read it. Perplexed, he looked at his friend and said, “I know Jader’s a sucky artist but I don’t think it warrants this…” He rubbed away a tear from Davey’s chin with the pad of his thumb.

Davey wasn’t listening to Smith’s humor. A locomotive of exhaustion, excitement, guilt and fear had been gathering steam since the night before and it was headed straight for him. He was tied to the tracks and he knew it. The mindless lust of last night, the unbearable tension of avoiding Jade all day, the adrenaline rush of performing a timed, 30 minute set, and now, Navarro’s threat - it was all about to hit him.

Smith repeated, “What’s goin’ on, Dave? You can tell me…”

Davey composed himself. He did not want this to be about him. It would be high enough on drama without his hysterics over what he’d done. He tried to look Smith in the eye but focused on his ear instead, unable to meet his gaze.

“Last night…” He stopped, already afraid of what he had to say next. He dropped his head.

“Yeah, last night…you went to Jeffree’s show at the club?”

“Yes…but I didn’t stay…” His voice was muffled as he stared down at his hands, clasping and unclasping in his lap.

Smith’s stomach did a little flip and he saw Jade in his mind, tapping his belly, knowing something was wrong. There was something confessional in Davey’s tone that Smith didn’t like.

Very deliberately, Smith asked, “Why not, Davey? Where did you go?” The quiet, serious tone was so unlike Smith’s usual demeanor that Davey glanced up at his face.The set of Smith’s jaw commanded him to answer.

Davey stammered, “I…I went…I went with…to…”

“You went _where_ with _who_ , Dave?” Smith was very insistent, making lying impossible.

“I went with Dave Navarro to his house.” Davey swallowed hard. He wanted a drink of water but was sure he’d choke on it. His throat was nearly closed with anxiety.

“Oh. Was he having a party?” Smith felt his blood pressure begin to rise.

“Well, not…exactly.”

“Was it a private party, just for the two of you?” The words dripped with sarcasm and Davey knew he was done for. He panicked as he realized he’d lost any control of the conversation.

“I…guess you could say that…” Davey offered weakly.

Smith burst out of his chair, shouting, “What?! What are you telling me?! That you fucked Dave Navarro last night?!”

It sounded so ugly, Davey couldn’t respond.

“I’ll take that as a yes!!” He slammed his fists down on the table inches from where Davey sat, making him jump.

“How could you, David? How could you do that to Jade?!”

Davey could only shake his head miserably.

“I could kill you right now, you know that?!”

“I’ve been considering that option all day…”

“Bullshit!! This isn’t about you. Jade’s about to have his world blown apart. All you’re suffering from is a sore ass - yeah, I’ve heard the rumors - and a guilty conscience and you deserve both in spades, man!”

Davey couldn’t protest the truth of Smith’s words.

“Why him of all people? Aside from the fact that he’s the hottest thing going and he’s been chasing your tail for years. Shit, Jade hates that guy!”

Davey stared at him in shock. “Jade hates him? Since when? Why?”

“Davey, you are such a blonde sometimes! Jade has been running interference between you two ever since you did that benefit concert with him. And you just hand it to him. I really don’t get this, man.” Smith shook his head.

“Oh my god. I didn’t know.”

“I actually believe you. For such an intelligent guy, you’re an idiot when it comes to people.”

“Smith, that’s not true…” Davey didn’t know why he was bothering to defend himself.

“Yes, it is, Dave. It’s fuckin’ scary how naïve you can be.” Davey thought about how cruel Navarro had been after the show and rubbed his shoulder. ‘Yet, last night I gave myself willingly to him. Maybe Smith is right.’

“So now he’s finally scored you, despite Jade’s efforts to prevent it…Hey, wait. Did he slip you something at the club?” Smith was trying desperately to make sense out of what Davey had done.

“I know what you’re thinking but I must be honest. I’m sure I wasn’t under the influence. I was really careful.”

A new horror occurred to Smith and he began shouting at Davey again. “You’re not touching my brother again until you’ve tested negative at least twice!”

“Smith, when I said I was careful, I meant in all ways. I made sure he changed rubbers every time we…”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!! Spare me the details.” It was Smith’s turn to feel miserable.

Thinking aloud, he said, “As if he’ll ever let you touch him again, anyway, when he hears about this.”

Slowly it sunk into Davey that this was a real possibility. He felt the floor drop out from under him. He had not believed that could happen. That Jade might not forgive him. Ever. That he could lose Jade and never get him back. He was stunned by the thought.

He blinked, seeing nothing. Suddenly it was freezing and he began to shiver. Looking at him, Smith felt a wave of pity rise up and couldn’t decide whether to hug Davey or punch him in his pretty face. It wasn’t the first time he’d had that dilemma. ‘Damn, he can be so exasperating.’ Thus far, he’d never punched him.

Smith couldn’t help the kindness creeping into his voice. “Dave, I don’t know what Jade’s going to do. I know he’s crazy about you, but whether he’ll get over this…I hope he can , for the sake of the band.”

Again Davey was shocked by the potential disaster those few hours with Navarro could create. “The band? This could hurt AFI?,” he asked innocently.

“Fuck, yeah! Think about it. You honestly think the four of you could go on like before if Jade stops speaking to you?”

Davey sat in shocked silence, feeling the enormity of what he’ d done.

Smith walked to the door and put his hand on the knob. “Listen, I’ve got to take a walk and clear my head. Do you want me here when Jade gets back? When are you going to tell him?”

“When Adam brings him back, I’ll tell him. I just wanted you to know first. I wanted you to work out your own feelings so you can be there for Jade when he needs you.”

‘Smart man. At least he’s trying to soften the blow.’ He agreed, “Okay, I’ll take Adam out for a bite or a beer while you talk to Jade. Then call my cell when you two are ready for me to drive you back to the house.” Davey nodded.

“Hey, Dave…you want me to tell Adam about it? You know, prepare him for that unpleasant ride to the house with the two of you. Or one of you, since it’s very likely one of you will be spending the night here on the bus.”

“Right. Yes, tell Adam, please. I appreciate you doing that for me - it won’t be easy. Thank you.” Davey didn’t want to see the respect drain away from Adam’s face when he found out what a slut his best friend was.

“I’m not doing it for you. I’m doing it for Jade,” Smith threw back over his shoulder as he slammed the door behind him.

Finally alone, Davey was overwhelmed with emotion and exhaustion. He rested his head on his folded arms on the table. The tears began again and he didn’t attempt to stop them this time. His only thought was of Jade’s lanky arms enfolding him now, those long, talented fingers smoothing Davey’s hair out of his face. He wanted to kiss Jade, really kiss him so he’d feel how much he loved him.

To think that might never happen again made Davey want to die.

 

  



	8. Chapter 8

Davey had dozed off, head down on his arms, still seated at the table where Smith had left him. He was roused by the sound of the door shutting.

 

‘They’re back. Jade’s back.’ The fear of what was to come left the taste of copper in his mouth as he slowly lifted his head. Suddenly, hands were covering his eyes.

“Jade, please don’t play…” Davey began then realized those weren’t Jade’s hands, but they weren’t unfamiliar either. Where had he felt them before? He was paralyzed by fear as he remembered being held against a wall by Dave Navarro, his hand covering Davey’s mouth.

“I find you alone again. It must be fate.” Navarro’s voice was seductive in his ear.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Smith had walked around the venue for about an hour, trying to distract himself from his worries. He stopped and spoke with old friends, did some skating and checked out the fledging bands on tour. He remembered when that had been AFI. He had been with them every day of their fifteen-year struggle and was proud of the success they had achieved.

He was by no means religious but if there were some universal power in charge he was awfully grateful for the life he had with his brother’s band. Four nicer guys didn’t exist and the bond they shared went beyond even the best of friends.

Smith fervently hoped that Davey’s indiscretion would not destroy all they had built. He shook his head, mystified at Davey’s lapse in judgment. He had seen no signs that Davey was anything but happy being Jade’s lover. ’But he’s human and humans fuck up,’ he thought generously and hoped Jade would eventually see it that way, too.

His wandering took him near the parking lot at the same time Adam and Jade pulled up in the band’s rental car. He knew it wouldn’t be long before Jade was hearing what Davey had done from his own lips. His heart sank but he met Adam and Jade with a grin.

“How was your evening, dudes?”

Adam answered, “Good. We lucked into an anime double-feature.”

“Get anything decent to eat?” Smith was looking for an excuse to get Adam away for awhile so Davey and Jade could talk in private and he could prepare Adam for the worst.

“Nope, just popcorn at the film. Jade was getting antsy to get back here. I can’t imagine why.” He gave an exaggerated wink, obviously referring to Davey.

It was true Jade had been anxious to see Davey. His odd behavior was revealing an insecurity in Jade he didn’t even know he harbored.

Smith started towards the car. “Well, Adam, I haven’t eaten anything but chips all day. Let’s go fill our bellies. Jade, can you find your way to the bus, man?” Smith turned to his brother to see him already striding away.

Smith wanted to run after him and warn him about what he was going to hear from the man he loved nearly more than anything. But he knew this had to play out, so he just called, “Hey, Jade!”

“Yeah?” Jade called back as he turned to his brother but continued to walk backwards, barely slowing his pace. Smith held his hand up to his ear in the “Call me” sign and Jade waved back, turned and quickened his pace. He was so eager to see Davey he had forgotten to ask Smith what he had learned, if anything, from talking with him.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Jade was mildly surprised to find the bus door unlocked. He could not believe the scene before him. Davey was pressed against the wall, his arms forced above his head, held at the wrists by a taller, muscular man. Davey was struggling, his face turned away from the man’s attempts to kiss him.

Jade assumed it was some crazed fan and launched himself at the intruder. Just when he expected to make contact, he hit Davey, knocking the wind out of him. “What the fuck…” Jade exclaimed. The man had spun Davey around and placed him between them, like a shield.

He hadn’t let go of Davey’s wrists and held them behind his back. Over Davey’s head , Jade looked into the arrogant eyes of Dave Navarro.

“Shit,it's you!!” Jade screamed all his pent-up rage at Navarro. “I’m gonna fuckin’ kill you!” He reached for him but Davey always ended up between them. Jade’s martial arts skills were decent but apparently not as good as Dave Navarro’s. Seemingly out of nowhere came a blow to the side of Jade’s head and he went down on his knees.

Jade waited for the room to stop spinning, then staggered to his feet. He saw that Davey was seated on a chair, hands still behind his back, his wrists lashed together by Navarro’s belt. Navarro stood behind Davey, his hands holding his head at an unnatural angle.

Jade was genuinely afraid for Davey. He knew the right move could break a grown man’s neck like a twig. A wrong move could cause accidental damage nearly as bad.

Jade shouted, “You’re fucking psychotic! Let him go! I’m calling security,” pulling out his cell phone. Navarro warned, “You don’t want to do that, Puget. Havok here might get hurt.” Davey winced as his neck was forced to stretch beyond comfort.

“You’re not getting away with this! I’ll see your ass in jail for assault!”

Navarro smirked at Jade’s threat. “O.C. judges are so fed up with celebs who get themselves hurt during sex games. I’ve got the video to prove Havok spent last night with me. Any judge would throw the case out.”

“You’re so full of shit! A video?! Not in your wildest dreams, prick.” Jade was shaking with rage, dying to get his hands around Navarro’s throat.

“No dream, Puget. It’s the security cam showing him buzzing himself out of my house this morning at…5:09 a.m., if I remember the time-stamp correctly.” Jade remembered that Davey had come in around a quarter to six. A wave of nausea washed over him.

“Davey was at Jeffree’s show last night…and an afterparty.” Jade’s voice betrayed his creeping uncertainty.

Navarro smiled. “Yeah, he was at the club. So was I. We didn’t stay. If there was an afterparty it was the one I had with him at my house. Yeah, we had quite a party. I think he came three times.”

Jade sought out Davey’s eyes, encouraging him to speak the truth and call Navarro a liar. Davey raised his eyes to Jade’s but quickly lowered them again. Jade felt a huge wall of black approaching him from behind. What he’d seen in that moment of eye-contact with Davey was unmistakable. Guilt, the deepest guilt, writ large.

“You look like a deer caught in the headlights, Puget,” Navarro smirked.

Jade whispered, “Davey, look at me. Tell me…tell me he’s lying.” Davey continued to stare at the floor, saying nothing. Jade realized Davey wasn’t going to tell him it wasn’t true…because it was. He slowly sank to his knees, unable to stand anymore.

The thought formed in his mind that Davey must’ve been forced somehow to betray him. Navarro must have drugged him or something. Something he deserved to die for.

The martial artist in Navarro sensed the change in Jade from shock and sorrow to a desire for murderous revenge. As Jade slowly rose to his feet, Navarro tightened his grip on Davey’s neck again. He grabbed Davey’s chin and roughly pulled it up to look at him. Davey whimpered and Jade froze.

Navarro bent over him and kissed his trembling mouth. Then he held Davey’s head and slowly turned it from side to side, keeping pressure on a trigger point at the nape of his neck that caused agonizing pain.

“This haircut is ingenious. For a bi guy like me, it really works. Turned this way, I’m fucking a guy…turned this way, it’s a chick. When he was cumming and rolling his head back and forth, I had the best of both worlds. I hope everybody in Hollywood gets one just like it.” A tear slid down Davey’s cheek ,whether from pain or shame, no one knew.

Jade felt total defeat and simply didn’t know what to do anymore. He was going numb.

Navarro sensed this was his chance to leave without fighting Jade. He abruptly let go of Davey and stepped to the door. He couldn’t resist one last insult.

“You know, Puget, he might not stray if you kept him better satisfied. There’s a sex shop down the street that sells a dildo named after me. Take him home and stretch him out tonight. He’ll thank you for it.”

Jade was unable to answer.

“He’s going to have a bitchin’ headache for a few days but he should be all right…I’ll leave you two. I’m sure you’ve got a lot to discuss.” With that, Navarro simply walked out the door.

Davey slid off the chair and crumpled to the floor, wrists still bound. Jade stared down at him for a second, still in shock, then he knelt by him and gently released his hands from the belt. He pulled out his cell phone and began to call 911.

Davey made a noise that stopped him. He was mumbling, “No, please, no. Please don’t call.”

“But, Dave, you’re hurt!”

“No! Please!” He turned his face into the carpet and began to sob.

Overwhelmed, Jade hit Smith’s speed dial with trembling fingers. “Smith, get back here. Now!”

“Jade.Jade!…fuck, he hung up. I could hear Davey crying. Step on it, Adam!”

Adam’s face was a mask of concern, knowing all he did now.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Adam slid the car into a space at the venue and he and Smith took off running for the bus.

“I thought this place had fucking security,” Adam cursed under his breath as the bus came into view. Smith had called Jade back and kept him on the line until they got to the venue. None of them knew how badly Davey was hurt and wanted to call 911. Davey begged them not to do it and became nearly hysterical when they tried to override his protests. He insisted he wanted to go to the little rental house and see Hunter.

Smith called the house and explained to Hunter as best he could what had happened. Although they hadn’t grown up with Hunter, they’d all come to know the story of his childhood spent trying to protect his mother from his violent father.

Hunter was grateful when his father died DUI several years earlier. With money from the sales of _Sing The Sorrow_ , he’d purchased his mother a small home and stayed in touch constantly. They’d grown closer than ever after his father’s death and she loved the entire band like they were her own. He was sure to thank her on tv whenever they won awards.

Even when very young, Hunter had often been forced to decide whether to call an ambulance and have both he and his mother suffer the eventual consequences when they returned home or risk his mother recovering from her injuries in private.

She always insisted on the latter. Davey’s protests against the police and medical help were all too familiar to him. All he could do was rely on his intuition, just as he did as a child. He recommended they honor Davey’s wishes and bring him to the house as he asked.

Adam and Smith walked Davey to the car, nearly carrying him the last hundred yards. Jade walked ahead and opened the doors for them.

The ride into the hills was deathly quiet. Smith drove and Jade sat still as a statue next to him. Davey huddled in a corner in the back seat until Adam reached over and gently pulled him to rest against his chest, arm around his shoulders. He murmured words of comfort between Davey’s sniffles.

 

  



	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the purposes of this story, it is assumed there is a spiritual dimension. Hope no one is offended. It doesn't factor into it after this chapter.

 

 

Smith tried to break the tense silence but when he spoke to Jade, his only response was to roll down the window, filling the car with the sound of rushing wind. No one heard when Adam snapped open his phone and hit Nils’ number.

“Hey, Nils…Been better…Are you free tonight? …Can you cancel?…Well, Davey wants to see you…Yeah, Davey. He can’t…Soon as you can get there. We’re in a rental in Hollywood Hills. Hold on…”

Adam asked Smith for the address and repeated it to Nils. “We’re enroute now but we should be there before you. Hunter’s at the house now…’Kay, in a few.”

Adam leaned his head towards Davey and reassured him. “Nils is on his way. It’s gonna be okay, Dave.”

Adam still didn't know what to think about Davey and Navarro. Of course he was angry with Davey for making such a stupid mistake but his generous heart and lifelong loyalty kept him from showing it. He just didn't see how Navarro could've been worth it.

'I'm straight but even if I were as gay as Jeffree Star, I wouldn't screw that arrogant prick.' Adam patted Davey on the back absentmindedly.

Davey found comfort in knowing he’d see Nils soon. His presence was so healing to Davey. Nils had only been 19 and Davey nearly 30 when they met but they knew they’d known each other for lifetimes. It wasn’t the soul mate connection he had with Jade, but one of spiritual brothers.

Nils was the only one who knew the extent of Davey’s studies of esoterica, the occult, and yogic sciences. Davey wanted it kept on the downlow. “Most people think I’m an androgynous freak. I don’t need to add ‘witch’ to the mix,” he’d confided to Nils. He knew Jade wouldn’t approve, either, as enamored of logic as he was.

Nils and Davey experimented together quite a bit and discovered that when they combined their efforts, they could accomplish certain things easily. Sometimes too easily. Once they accidentally had “astral sex.”

They were curious about how closely they could connect on the astral plane. They found they connected all too well - they briefly merged. Surprised, they quickly withdrew from each other.

When they talked about it later, Nils said, “ You know what the odds are that two people could do that on first try? A million in one, at best.”

“I don’t think that was our first try, Nils. I think we’ve practiced that hundreds, if not thousands of times.” They shared vague memories of lives together, lost in the ancient past. Lives lived all over the world in jungles, forests, temples, caves, monasteries, castles, huts…

They didn’t take it too seriously but Davey warned , “Let’s not do that again. If there’s one thing I like having a body for, it’s sex.”

“I promise not to touch your assstral with a ten-foot pole, “ Nils teased.

“Stop talking dirty, Nils,” Davey retorted as they continued to banter.

They made light of it but it confirmed what they both suspected: they’d always have each other’s back.  
___________________________________________________________________________________

Nils had continued to study and train, focusing on the esoteric healing arts. Davey had dropped it all as AFI took more and more time and energy, but he knew if anyone could help him now, it was Nils. He was shaken to the core by Navarro’s abuse and the “bitchin’” headache he promised had begun by the time they got to the house.

Hunter came out and helped Adam walk Davey inside. Jade kept his distance and Smith stayed close to him. They put Davey on the bed in a darkened room and tucked a blanket in around him. He was curled up on his side, shaking again.

Hunter got as much detail as possible about what Navarro had done. He hated making Jade relive it, but he was the only witness and Davey couldn‘t or wouldn‘t talk.

Jade resented having to say it but he told Hunter,” It’s not just what he did, it was what he said.”

“You mean threats, or what?”

“No. And not so much what he said as how he said it. I mean, I guess it was the truth but the way he said it was…disgusting.”

“Like he was trying to humiliate Davey and shock you?”

“Yeah, exactly. Sick, psycho prick.”

Hunter knew the tactic all too well. It had been one of his father’s favorite weapons. He thought that had done more lasting damage to them all than the beatings his mother endured.

His sister had entered an abusive marriage that took Hunter years to extricate her from. He had lived with her after she left her husband until recently. Hunter himself had a bad habit of attracting troubled women who weren’t fit for a healthy relationship. Thankfully, the band gave him an excuse to exit those entanglements.

“You know a lot about the martial arts, Jade. Do you think Navarro seriously injured Dave?”

Jade hated the role of advisor and comforter to his cheating partner. He’d be glad when Nils got there and he could wash his hands of it.

“No, probably not. But someone should keep a check on that headache and get him treatment if it’s not gone completely in a few days.” Jade stood and ran his hands down his thighs, smoothing out his jeans.

“I’ve gotta get out of here.” He walked out the French doors that led to the back yard. He couldn’t admit, even to himself, how terribly guilty he felt that he’d been unable to stop Navarro from hurting Davey.  
_________________________________________________________________________________

Nils arrived within the hour. He immediately went to Davey and examined him carefully. He came out of the room, asked Adam to make him a cup of tea and told Hunter and Smith to go to bed. He asked where Jade was and was told he’d disappeared into the backyard garden. Nils just said, “Good,” took his tea and returned to the bedroom and Davey, shutting the door.

Once Nils was sure everyone was resting and wouldn’t interrupt them, he began working on Davey. He used all he’d learned to reach into Davey’s psyche and calm and comfort the turmoil there. He searched for his spirit and when he found it, he anchored it securely in his body. He flowed healing to his head, neck and spine.

While he did all these things, he watched for clues that would explain Davey’s atypical behavior.

As the first bird’s song sounded, Nils lay down with Davey, curling up around him in a gesture of protection and slept.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Jade smelled the coffee Smith had brewing and wandered into the house. He’d spent the night in the garden, struggling with his head and heart. The only conclusion he’d come to was that he still loved Davey, whether he wanted to or not.

He cracked open the bedroom door to check on Davey and was relieved to see him resting quietly in Nils’ cuddle.

He hated what was happening to them and was afraid to think beyond today. He went into the kitchen and Smith brought him a big mug of strong coffee and a quick hug around the shoulders.

“How’s he doing?,” he asked.

“Okay, I think. He’s sleeping and Nils is with him.” They were both quiet with their own thoughts.

Eventually, they heard the sound of showering, shaving and dressing as Adam and Hunter prepared for the day. They eventually emerged and Smith poured their coffee, refilled his own and Jade’s and started a second pot. He simmered water for Nils’ tea, ready for him to emerge as well.

Hunter put on some music while they all settled into the living room lounges, except Jade, who stood staring out the window. Smith put his hand on his shoulder and gently pulled him towards a seat.

Hunter and Adam noted how haggard Jade looked, like he hadn’t slept all night. In fact, he looked like he’d spent it crying.

A few hours later, Nils came out from the bedroom and went in search of his friends. He found Smith, Adam and Hunter watching tv in the rec room. He went to each one and gave a quick hug in greeting. He spotted Jade out in the garden again, resting in a hammock.

Jade rolled to his feet and accepted Nils’ hug. He couldn’t let go and started to cry.

He whispered, “Why, Nils? Why did he do it? Or am I just too blind to see the obvious? He’s beautiful, everybody wants him and he’s bored with me, with us.”

“Who are you talking about, Jade?,” Nils asked gently.

“Dave, of course!”

“That doesn’t sound like Davey. He’s not capable of being that callous, that selfish. Besides, he loves you.”  
Jade’s bloodshot eyes were full of doubt.

“Jade, come inside. I’d like to talk to all four of you together.”

The slight young man took Jade’s hand and led him into the room where the others were lounging. He turned off the tv and took a seat. He glanced at each one, then began.

“Davey’s going to be okay. His body will heal quickly and the emotional shock is wearing off.” Hunter, Smith and Adam gave loud sighs of relief and words of thanks. Jade continued to stare at the floor. Nils turned to him but spoke so all could hear.

“There’s something else. Jade, you asked a question and you deserve an answer. You asked ‘Why?’”

 

  
  


 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the purposes of this story, the man who is known as Davey’s stepfather doesn’t meet the family until Davey is 17 and Michael is 13. Davey is not adopted by him nor uses the name “Marchand.” As stated before, for our purposes, the brothers share the same father as well as the same mother. IRL, none of the above assumptions are true. Indeed, none of this story is true, is it? This is a work of fiction.
> 
> Prepare for some flashbacks and a little bit of het.

 

“I wish I had that answer for you, Jade, but I don’t. However, I think I know who does.”

Jade jumped up from his chair and exploded at Nils. “Fuck! This is not a game, Nils! Stop screwing with my head! Fuck you!”

Jade grabbed the keys to the rental car off the counter and headed for the front door.

“Smith! Stop him!” Nils was suddenly in charge of managing Jade’s meltdown.

He needn’t have said a word as Smith was already at the car, blocking the driver’s door a second before Jade got to it.

“Give me the keys, man. You’re not driving in that state of mind. I mean it, Jade. I’ll fight you for them if I have to.”

Sleepless, hurt and frustrated to the point of rage, Jade threw the keys down the length of the driveway. He stood there, running his hand through his hair and wrecking it, feeling a fool.

“Real cool, bro. Go get ‘em, if your tantrum is over.”

Smith watched his lanky form shuffle down the driveway and whistled through his teeth, worried about his brother.

Adam walked up to Smith. “Is he okay?”

“Just dandy.”

Adam ignored Smith‘s sarcasm. “Listen, Nils said we’re taking Davey back to Oakland…”

“When??”

“As soon as he gets him up and ready to go. He wants you to go now and trade the car in for a van. He says we’re all going.”

“Since when does this twenty-one year-old kid tell us all where to go?”

“Since he seems to know what may keep Jade and Davey - and therefore, AFI - together.”

Smith shook his head. “Curiouser and curiouser.”

Jade walked up with the keys, too embarrassed to meet Adam’s eyes.

Smith put his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Come on, we‘re going for a ride. We’re going to trade this in…”

Jade got in the passenger seat, glad to be leaving the house and everyone in it.  
_________________________________________________

Davey’s mother, Penny, checked the caller ID on Davey’s phone. As they often did, she and Davey’s stepfather, Paul, were house-sitting while AFI was on tour.

“It’s Adam’s cell,” she smiled at her husband, who was enjoying a late coffee on the deck overlooking the Bay, petting the neighbor’s cat.

“Better grab it, then.” Paul felt a wave of affection for his oldest stepson wash over him. While Penny chatted with Adam, he indulged in his favorite memory of Davey: it was the day they met.  
__________________________________________________

Paul had been a professor in the Fine Arts department at U.C. Berkeley until he took early retirement to dabble in the family business. For years, the Marchands had operated a pear-packing plant in Ukiah.

Paul was at an age where the hustle of San Francisco and it’s environs was taxing at times and he was yearning for a slower pace of life.

He had an interest in organic farming and decided to start a sideline of gourmet organic produce for the family company.

He also planned to fulfill a lifelong dream of running his own art gallery. He wanted to look for something fresh in the local Norcal artists.

Everything changed for him the day he was driving on the outskirts of Ukiah. His eye was caught by a modest house set back from the road, surrounded by large, old trees. The house was uniquely decorated by unusual sculptures and paintings. It was very appealing, in a strange way.

‘Maybe the home of a local artist,’ he mused hopefully. This was what he was looking for in his gallery. There was a young man mowing the front yard and Paul decided to stop and inquire.

He pulled up along side the boy and turned off the car. The boy caught sight of the stranger out of the corner of his eye and cut the engine on the mower. He watched as the man got out of the car and approached him, smiling.

Davey was immediately suspicious. He planted himself where he stood, legs apart, hands in the front pockets of his black jeans, unsmiling and wary.

‘What an unusual-looking boy,’ Paul observed. He was all in black: his jeans, his “Joy Division” tshirt, his Converse. Everything but a rainbow-hued tie-dyed bandana tied around his hair, dark with perspiration across his forehead. It completely ruined the outfit’s intended effect.

Davey felt the stranger staring at the bandana. Embarrassed, he whipped it off his head and jammed it in a back pocket. His thick, dark hair was cut quite short except for one long lock that he was trying to locate in the tangles so he could pull it straight down over his face. He found it but it wouldn’t behave and stayed in a frizz.

With a look of exasperation, he swept it over one ear. The motion of his slender hand was graceful, almost feminine. “If I had a Mohawk I wouldn’t have to deal with this shit,” he complained to no one in particular.

Paul watched all this with some amusement that turned to sympathy as the boy’s attempts to look cool failed. Kindly he asked, “Why don’t you get one?”

Davey mumbled something that sounded like, “My mom won’t let me,” but Paul couldn’t be sure. He decided to end the awkward moment and change the subject.

“This artwork…do you know the artist?”

“Who wants to know?” Davey wasn’t going to let his guard down too much.

Paul realized he hadn’t introduced himself. He pulled out his wallet and fished out a business card. He held the card out to Davey.

Davey came close enough to take the card. At such close range, Paul could see that the young man was like nothing he’d seen in his brief residency in Ukiah. He was very pale and that accentuated his large, intense brown eyes and heavy brows. He was wearing coal-black eyeliner.

Definitely not like the majority of Ukiah’s tanned, testosterone-driven teen population. Most striking was the boy’s face. His bone structure was quite masculine, yet when you looked at him, especially from a certain angle, he was simply “beautiful.”

‘What a handsome man he’ll be someday,’ Paul thought.

The boy had one eyebrow raised as he read Paul’s card. “Paul Marchand, huh?”

The card said that the stranger owned a gallery near Ukiah that specialized in exhibiting local artists. It also noted that he had a Ph.D. in Fine Arts from U.C.B. It had a local address and phone number and another one in Berkeley.

Davey thought, ’Maybe he’s legit.’ Still, he knew anyone could fake a business card so he didn’t relax completely.

“Call me Paul.” He refused the card when Davey tried to return it. “And you are…?”

“Oh. I’m Davey. Davey Havok, with a ‘k.’”

“Not ‘Passaro’?” Paul nodded at the mailbox near them with the family name and address clearly marked on it.

Davey tilted his chin up and said coolly, “I don’t relate to that. I go by my stage name.”

Just then a younger boy appeared on the front porch. “Dave?!”  
he called out. He shared Davey’s suspicion of strange men.

“Mike, it’s okay. Just somebody to see Mom. Go back in! You better have the table set and the pasta done by the time she gets in!”

Michael was relieved but disappointed, too. He knew better than to argue with his older brother but he felt overprotected, not being allowed to meet the man he’d watched Davey talk to for the past ten minutes.

“Okay, but you better have the yard done!,” Michael shouted in retaliation before heading back to the kitchen.

“So, is your mother the artist?”

“Well, yes…” Davey wasn’t sure if he should be talking to the stranger about his mother but he couldn’t seem to help liking the guy.

There was an easy-going charm about him that put Davey at ease. Most adults in his town passed judgment on him very heavily, simply because of the way he looked. He could tell that wasn’t so in Paul’s case.

“How about you? You said Havok is your stage name. What’s your talent?” He seemed genuinely interested.

“I have a band with some friends from school. I‘m the vocalist.”

“What kind of music? I see you like Joy Division.”

“You know their music?!” Davey had never met another JD fan that he wasn’t personally responsible for creating.

Paul laughed. “I guess that surprises you in someone my age. Actually, I’m quite interested in all the good bands that come out of those little industrial, English towns. I have my theories about how their environment influences their music…”

Paul stopped his tangent but Davey was leaning toward him, enthralled. This man was someone he could relate to!

Paul brought the conversation back to Davey. “You were saying your band plays…?”

“Now we do hardcore, mostly covers. But I’m working on my own songs, too.”

“Good, that’s ambitious.”

“Not that it does me any good. We’re breaking up in the Fall to go to school.”

Paul saw real dejection on Davey’s face.

“But that’s for the best, isn’t it? You can continue it on the side, you know.”

Davey sighed heavily. “I know. That’s what my mom says. She’s set on me getting my degree but…”

Paul paid close attention, sensing this was important. “But?,” he repeated after Davey.

“She says she only feels really alive when she’s making her art. Why can’t she understand that’s how it is for me and singing, performing?,” Davey exclaimed passionately.

“Maybe she does but she wants to be sure you’ll have something to fall back on.” Paul could feel the boy’s pain.

“I know. I’ve watched her struggle to support us my entire life. But this consumes me. I just don’t know how I can really give a shit about anything else if I’m not doing it full-time.”

“Your father not around to help out, then?”

Davey stared at him as if he’d uttered some blasphemy.

“No.”

Paul knew better than to pursue that topic. He better understood why Davey was so suspicious and protective of his mother.

Fortunately for Paul, Michael appeared again and yelled to Davey to finish the yard work - now!

“Well, I better get going so you can finish that. I’d appreciate it if you’d give my card to your mother. I’d be interested in talking to her about her work for my gallery.”

“I will.” Davey’s natural politeness caused him to respond with warmth again.

“It was nice to talk to you, Davey Havok, with a K. Good luck with your band.” Paul got into the driver’s seat and started the engine. He seemed to remember something and leaned across to the passenger window.

“Forgot to ask your band’s name. I’ll try to catch a show.”

“It’s A.F.I.”

“AFI?”

“Yeah, A Fire Inside. That’s how I feel about it.”

Paul nodded slowly in understanding, then he smiled and pulled away.

Davey watched the car disappearing. Just as it was about out of sight, Davey’s mother’s car passed it coming from the opposite direction. Davey had a strange feeling that it was more than coincidence.  
________________________________________________

Paul did eventually connect with Penny Passaro. She agreed to exhibit in his gallery and then began to help him run it as he continued working on the organic produce line, too.

They became good friends, then lovers. They married within a year of meeting. Neither had ever regretted it.

Paul seemed to have come into Davey’s life at just the right time. He married Davey’s mother just before Davey had left for his freshman year at U.C. Berkeley.

He was there when AFI came together for a small reunion show in Ukiah over the holiday break. Overwhelmed by the response they received, Davey and Adam felt stronger than ever that the band had to be their priority.

Telling his mother that he was dropping out of school and putting her lifelong dream of having her son become a psychologist on hold, maybe forever, was the hardest thing Davey had ever had to do. It was Paul who mediated between the two and eventually convinced Penny to support Davey’s decision.

And it was Paul who intuited that Davey’s relationship with his first serious girlfriend, Liz, was less than idyllic.  
________________________________________________

Davey was crazy about Lizzie when they met the last summer of Davey’s senior year. There was no girl like her in Ukiah. She was from San Francisco and deeply involved in the straightedge hardcore punk scene there. She was everything he could want in a girlfriend.

She thought he was kind, considerate, sensitive and sensual when he was off-stage, all fire and passion when he was on. He was incredibly good-looking and naturally charming, yet had only a few good friends, being shunned by the conservative kids at his school for being too different. She told him he was only a misfit in Ukiah, that in Frisco, he’d fit perfectly.

They worked part-time at his step-dad’s fruit business all summer, packing pears. Otherwise, they were driving around to concerts, whether AFI’s or other’s.

They spent countless hours in Davey’s bedroom listening to music. His family began to plan on her being at the table for dinner every night. She was really alone in Ukiah, staying with her grandmother while her parents went through a messy divorce back in San Francisco.

Davey and Liz knew that when the summer ended, he’d head to Berkeley and she’d go on to New York to live with her older sister and start at Columbia University, eventually getting a degree in art and jewelry design.

They decided they’d lose their virginity to each other before they parted. Lizzie was very happy with Davey’s lovemaking and Davey found it “really enjoyable,” to which Adam raised an eyebrow. He thought it an odd description for a young man to use to describe a new sexual experience.

Since they had sex exclusively in Davey’s bedroom, it was impossible for Paul to miss the signs of Davey and Lizzie’s new relationship. (In fact, the sounds of Enigma became a signal to clear Penny and Michael out of the house for ice cream.)

Yet Paul didn’t sense that Davey thought much of it at all. So he wasn’t surprised when Davey came to him one day and confided that he wasn’t climaxing with Liz. She, on the other hand, was completely satisfied every time they made love.

They mulled over the problem together. Davey wasn’t worried about pregnancy since they were meticulous in their condom use. He knew he could easily climax, since he did it alone every night after she left, with the help of his mom’s best olive oil. (Paul never looked at his wife’s pasta dishes the same again.)

Paul tried to be reassuring and said that sometimes the chemistry just wasn’t right, no matter how much two people cared about each other.

It occurred to Paul that the fact that Davey always listened to Morrissey alone in his room after he’d taken Liz home might have a deeper meaning.

Davey and Liz did indeed part as planned at the end of summer but knew they’d always cherish their memories.

(They were delighted to cross paths again years later in New York when AFI performed for MTV’s New Year’s Eve show. Davey was happy to learn Liz had become a successful jewelry designer and owned a company specializing in bling for the punk and rock aficionado with her life partner, Dana. Davey and Liz joked that they’d turned each other queer all those years ago in his parents’ house.)

In the meantime, Paul planned a long weekend alone for Davey in the Castro for his upcoming eighteenth birthday. He arranged for him to stay with a gay couple who were good friends of his and owned a successful art gallery in the area.

Thanks to a kind, attractive, older man he met in a bookstore, Davey returned from the weekend with a new sense of self-assurance and optimism that convinced Paul he’d given his stepson the perfect gift.  
________________________________________________

Davey’s search for a truly meaningful relationship ended with Jade. Penny and Paul were sure of that. The two men were a study in contrasts, yet together they formed a perfect whole.

The music they created together was the epitome of that synergy. Whether Jade brought melody needing lyrics to Davey, or Davey came to him seeking musical expression for his words, the end result was always so much greater than either alone.

Penny was amused by how different Davey and Jade were in nearly every way. In appearance, Jade was tall and lanky, with a small, round, boyish face to match his round, brown eyes, snub nose and full lips. His hands were large with impossibly long fingers made strong by years of playing guitar. He was the master of any fretboard or keyboard he touched.

In contrast, Davey was shorter and broad through the shoulders and torso. His face was long and thin with prominent bone structure, especially his chin that jutted out below a broad, thin-lipped mouth, punctuated by a piercing ring. His eyes were also brown but were darker and penetrating in their gaze. His hands were small and delicate with slender fingers. They were attached to fragile wrists that seemed boneless in their fluidity. They were quite expressive when he sang.

Their personalities were a study in contrasts, too. Jade could talk just as much as Davey if given the uninterrupted time to do so. He was highly intelligent, well-educated, well-read and very thoughtful on a number of topics, but he needed a little time to prepare. When put on the spot, he usually mumbled absurd one-liners.

Davey, on the other hand, was the master of spontaneous chat and dominated every conversation, despite his inviting glances to participate. He gave interviewers his full attention and was as sincere in his answers as Jade was flippant.

Where Jade loved to play ghetto-cool, Davey was urban-chic. Both had a great sense of style, in his own way. Jade’s was more traditional (for a rock star) and Davey’s…you never knew what to expect from Davey, but you could bet it would get him the attention he craved.

Penny and Paul felt that Davey and Jade complemented and completed each other. They hoped their relationship could withstand the tests of time, success, failure and change.

That’s why Penny was so concerned when Adam told her that the entire band, plus Smith and Nils, were on their way there. He told her that Davey’d had a minor accident and needed to recover at home. He wouldn’t give any details.

Penny thought it odd that it was Adam who called. Why not Jade? The whole thing was strange.

 

  



	11. Chapter 11

 

 

_I saw a star beneath the stairs glowing through the melting wall._

_Who will be the first to begin their fall?_ _Or will we become one?_

_Am I the star beneath the stairs?_   
_Am I the ghost upon the stage?_   
_Am I your anything?_   
_I saw a star beneath the stairs glowing bright before descent,_   
_And in the morning there is nothing left but what’s inside of me._   
_And I don’t want to die tonight,_   
_Will you believe in me?_   
_And I don’t want to fall into the light._   
_Will you wish upon? Will you walk upon me?_   
_I don’t want to die tonight._   
_Will you believe in me tonight?_

 

 

Paul gave his wife a reassuring smile and said, “Six for dinner, Pen,” trying to distract her from the worry begun with Adam’s elusive phone call. It gave her something immediate to worry about.

“Oh, right. I’m going to jump in the shower, then hit the stores. I’ve got to try to remember everybody’s favorites. Nils, Nils, what about him…” Her voice trailed away as she headed down the hall to the bathroom.

“Hope she remembers they’re just coming from L.A., not the Outback,” he chuckled to the cat in his lap.  
____________________________________________________________________________________

It was early evening when Smith pulled the van into Davey’s drive. It had been a somber, silent ride. Very strange for a van full of musicians and their supporters. Jade had mercifully fallen into a deep sleep during the trip.

The strange quiet was the first thing Penny noticed when she came out to meet them. “What? No music blaring to announce your arrival, Smith?” He was the first out of the van to hug her.

“The baby finally fell asleep so we kept it quiet for him.” He gestured at Jade, sitting up in the passenger seat, rubbing his eyes and scratching his chin. Penny looked in his direction and noted the seating arrangements: Smith and Jade up front, Adam and Hunter in the middle and far in the back were Nils…and Davey.

Jade got out and came around for his welcoming hug. She didn’t let him break away immediately but held on to him and said, “It’ so good to see you , Jade.” “You, too,” and then he was gone into the house, following Smith.

She was shocked. Davey was supposedly hurt in some way and Jade leaves him in the van? She was engulfed in Adam’s strong arms and lifted a few inches off the ground. “How you doin,’ Mom?”

“I’m fine but, Adam, what’s going on?” Before he could answer, Hunter was shoving him out of the way. “Penny, lovely lady! Paul’s got dinner ready for us, right? Just kidding!” He gave her a kiss on the cheek, then headed into the kitchen to find Paul.

She had been moving closer to the van, expecting Davey to leap out and grab her as he usually did but he was still sitting in the back seat. Nils was looking into his face, speaking quietly. She couldn’t see his face, his long fringe falling forward and covering it as he bent his head down.

She couldn’t stand it any longer. She stepped up into the van and knelt on the middle seat, facing backwards so she was within a foot of her son and his young friend.

She smiled warmly at Nils and put her hand on his arm. “Hi, Nils, it’s so good to see you.” He returned a small smile and placed his hand on hers. “I had to come. We have so much to talk about.”

Penny reached for Davey with both arms. “David, honey, come here.”

Davey looked up at her for the first time and leaned into her embrace. He held onto her, whispering, “Mom…” They kissed each other’s cheek. She told him, “You’re home. Well, not home in Ukiah but home in your home, where you can sleep in your own bed. Let’s go in.”

Davey replied, “That sounds good. I want to go straight to my room, take a hot bath and get in bed.”

She began to protest that he should have dinner first, it was too early for him to retire for the evening, there was so much she and his step-dad wanted to hear about Warped Tour…

Nils shook his head at her, indicating she should let Davey do as he wanted. She cut herself short and squeezed his arm. “If that sounds good to you, then go do it. I’ll make your apologies to everyone.”

Davey gave a wry smile and said, “I don’t think that’ll be necessary, except for Paul. Send him up later. I want to see him.”

The three went in and Davey headed for his bedroom. Penny heard Nils say, “I’ll be here…” and Davey answer him, “I know,” squeezing his hand.  
___________________________________________________________________________________

The evening passed quickly and pleasantly. Smith, Adam and Hunter entertained Penny and Paul with road stories. Everyone ate non-stop. Nils was quiet but seemed to be enjoying himself. However, Jade seemed to need a lot of ribbing from his brother to keep smiling.

At one point, Jade sat down next to Penny and put his arm around her shoulders. He knew she was disturbed by Davey‘s withdrawal and the fact that no else seemed concerned. She and Paul were like his other parents and he wasn’t going to let what was happening between he and Davey affect that.

Penny was reassured by Jade’s gesture but was bursting to ask why he and Davey weren’t speaking. And what was this “accident” Adam had mentioned? Other than looking tired and depressed, Davey seemed fine. Paul had gotten nothing from him when he’d taken him tea and muffins. Davey just told him he loved him, had missed him and that he needed to rest.

 

Around nine o’clock, Hunter and Adam left for Adam’s apartment on the other side of the Bay. Smith didn’t know whether to stay with Jade or leave him with Nils and Davey’s folks. He got a moment alone with Nils and asked his advice. Nils told him to go with Hunter and Adam. The rest of the night was for him, Jade and Davey’s parents - and, inevitably Davey, too.

Nils told Jade Smith had gone with the guys. Jade looked uncomfortable and picked at his chipped nail polish.

Nils asked him directly, “Do you want to understand what’s going on?”

Jade blew out all the air in his lungs. “I dunno. I just want to erase the past forty-eight hours.”

“That’s not possible, obviously. What’s happening is happening now for a reason. And Jade, it’s happening to Davey. Nobody’s forcing you to participate. If you want to walk away, go ahead. Nobody will blame you. Especially, not Davey.”

Jade appeared to be seriously considering the option. A wave of relief passed over his face as he imagined freedom from the upcoming drama. Then he thought of Davey and his features crumbled. “I can’t, you know I can’t.”

Nils put his hand on Jade’s arm. “Okay, then we have to talk to Penny now.”  
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Nils and Jade joined Penny and Paul on the deck where they were sipping wine and watching the stars come out above the remnants of the Pacific sunset.

Penny turned to the them, suddenly angry. “I’ve had it, you two. What is going on with Dave? And you?!” She looked accusingly at Jade.

“Tell her, Jade.” Nils raised his eyebrows at him, emphasizing that since he’d chosen to stay, he was really in it now.

Jade stared into space and in a monotone voice said, “Night before last, Dave cheated on me.”

“What?!” Penny set down her glass with a clatter and rose to her feet. “I don’t understand…”

“Neither do I. For some reason, he couldn’t resist temptation anymore, I guess. Or he’s tired of me. I don’t know…”

“That makes no sense, Jade. He’s ‘resisted temptation’ for thirteen years. You know how proud he is of his self-discipline. And tired of you? He not only loves you, he worships you.”

Jade rolled his eyes. “That’s a bit of an exaggeration, Pen.”

“No, it isn’t, Jade. He always has. Mygod, when he called to tell me you'd agreed to join the band, he sounded like a kid on Christmas morning.”

Jade couldn't suppress a small smile as he remembered that moment on the ramshackle balcony of that ramshackle house Davey was living in with Adam, Geoff and Mark. "It was so funny. We were both unequivocally straight at the time but it was like he was proposing or something. Guess he didn't know how badly I'd wanted to be in AFI for awhile. We should've exchanged rings or something." He finished with a snort.

Nils was glad for the reprieve and the connection with Davey Jade had felt once more but it quickly dissipated when they all realized where it was heading.

Hurt and helplessness were evident in Jade's voice as he implored Penny, "Then why? Why?”

Nils spoke quietly. “I think all this has something to do with Davey’s childhood. Does that make any sense, Penny?”

Jade interrupted. “What the fuck? Where’d you get that from, Dr. Freud?”

Nils ignored Jade’s cynicism. “Last night when I was caring for Davey’s injuries, I got certain images…impressions… feelings.”

Penny dropped into a chair and put her face in her hands. She leaned forward and they were alarmed to hear her sobbing. After several minutes she lifted her head and wiped her face clean of tears.

“What did you see, Nils?” she asked with a tremulous voice.

Nils closed his eyes to better remember the impressions he’d received. “It was like I was in a small space, looking out through slats of some kind. I could see through an open door that led outside. It was near daybreak. I saw Venus, I could see it shining brightly. I smelled jasmine.”

Penny shook her head in disbelief and then asked, “How were you feeling?”

“The little space made me feel safe but I felt like something terrible was about to happen anyway.”

“What else?,” she pressed him.

Nils hesitated, knowing his answer might cause her pain. He looked into her eyes with all the affection he could muster.

“I saw a little boy, nearly naked, on his knees in the dust, weeping… That’s all.”

Jade was feeling impatient and excluded. “What does this have to do with anything?”

Penny explained to Nils. “The little space you described was beneath our stairs. They were an open design so you could see between them. It was David’s favorite place to hide. He felt hidden but he could still what was going on in the house. He would sit under there with his blanket all the time. That’s where he was that night, that early morning, when it happened.”

Jade sat up straight. “Morningstar!”

All three looked at him questioningly. “Those are lyrics from _Morningstar_!”

Jade was excited. “You said you saw Venus, that’s the morningstar . I remember when Dave brought me those lyrics. He said he’d had them a long time but never shown them to anyone. He wanted it to go at the end of the record. We were recording _Art of Drowning_ at the time. He said he wanted a simple, acoustic treatment that ended in a loud, emotional crescendo. So that’s the treatment we gave it. I know it moves a lot of people.”

“That it does,” Paul agreed.

Jade suddenly recalled what Penny had said and anxiously asked, “You said he was hiding beneath the stairs when ‘it’ happened. When what happened? What was the melting wall?” He was dreading the answer.

Paul sat on the arm of Penny’s chair and put his arm around her, hoping his support would make it easier.

“I would guess it was...our home, our family as he’d known it, dissolving. That was the morning Tony left us.” She sighed heavily.

“Ohhh…” Jade eyes were wide.

“So the little boy crying in the dust…was that Davey?” Nils asked as gently as he could.

Penny forced herself to remember what she’d closed out of her heart and mind for 25 years. She could hear the sounds of their arguing all night. She could smell the night-blooming jasmine that climbed up the back porch and filled the kitchen with it’s heavenly scent. She could hear the bang of the wooden screen door as her husband went out it, backpack slung over a shoulder, with no intention of ever coming back. She felt the tears cascading down her face as she hugged her belly, full of Michael and cried silently, not wanting to wake Davey.

She saw Davey dart out from nowhere, in hot pursuit of his father. He caught up with him halfway to the old mini-truck he drove. He threw himself at his legs and hung on for dear life. He was so pale and small in the gloomy dawn. He was only wearing a little pair of shorts he liked to sleep in during summer. There was no sun rising. Rain was on it’s way.

Penny’s voice was barely audible. “Yes. Davey knelt in the dust of our driveway, clinging to his father, begging him not to go. I was transfixed by this terrible scene unfolding. I saw Tony bend down and take David’s hands and I knew he thought Tony was going to pick him, so he let go and held up his arms. But once Tony was free of Davey’s grasp, he just walked away.”

“David was so shocked he just sat there on his knees in the dirt for a few minutes and then he collapsed in tears. It began to rain and it woke me from that trance. I ran out to him, picked him up and carried him as best I could over my huge belly back into the house, wet and muddy. I put him to bed with me and held him until he cried himself to sleep. It rained for two days straight after that.”

Jade was staring at her in horror. He could see every detail in his mind. He blinked repeatedly, trying to make it all go away. “How could he? How could he do that?,” he whispered.

They heard a noise from the living room. They hadn’t bothered to turn on a light inside as the night came on. Jade got up and walked towards the sound, peering into the dark. He almost tripped over Davey, kneeling on the floor not far from the open patio door, easily within hearing of everything that had just been said.

As soon as they touched, Jade felt his legs being held in a deathgrip. He heard what he knew must be Davey’s voice, plaintive and childlike, muffled by the material of Jade’s pants where Davey had buried his face. Jade bent down and heard him repeating, “Please, don’t go.” His pantleg was soaked through with tears.

He tried to take Davey’s hands. “I’m not leaving, Dave, I’m not leaving. Just let go so I can sit down with you. For real, Davey, I’m staying with you.” He felt Davey loosen his grip and he slid down, wrapping his long arms around him. Davey held onto him, shaking and wracked with sobs.

Jade continued to hold him close and pressed his lips against his forehead. “I’m staying with you. I’m not leaving, ever. It’s okay now. Sshhh.” He began to rock him ever so slightly.

Penny, Paul and Nils had silently entered the room. Having witnessed the scene between Davey and Jade, Penny desperately wanted to go to Davey and give him all the comforting he’d refused for so many years.

Nils arm around her waist held her back as did Paul’s around her shoulders. She knew this was a critical moment in her son’s relationship. She had waited all those years - what would a few more hours matter?

Exhausted by emotion, Davey drifted into a deep sleep in Jade’s arms. Penny brought pillows and blankets and helped Jade lie down comfortably on the thickly carpeted floor, still enfolding Davey. She knelt down and gave Jade a light kiss on his temple. Her hand smoothed her boy’s hair away from his face, and she marveled at his peaceful expression.

Tears of relief welled up in her eyes. She quickly rose and headed to the guest room she shared with her husband.

 

  



	12. Chapter 12

 

Jade woke slowly, disoriented and aching from having slept on the floor all night with Davey in his arms. The living room was darkened by the shuttered windows. Davey’s bizarre sleeping habits dictated that the house be fit for vampires twenty-four hours a day, if desired.

As he gained consciousness, he was first aware of how uncomfortably tight his pants were. He realized he had a raging hard-on. He looked down to see his shirt completely open and pushed off his shoulders as much as his reclining position would allow. Just then he felt his zipper being pulled down, giving him some relief.

Jade shifted his gaze to straight ahead and looked into Davey’s fully alert eyes. He was smiling softly at him and Jade realized he’d been playing with his body while he slept. “Ah, you’re awake. I can undress you now.” Davey pushed at his shoulders, encouraging him to sit up.

After Davey had slipped his shirt off, Jade rotated his head and rubbed his shoulders. “Fuck, I’m so stiff.”  
Davey’s smile widened. “You sure are. There’s lube in the bathroom. Run down there and get it.”

Davey knew he was pushing but he was afraid Jade would rebuff him if he didn’t take advantage of his arousal. It was a cheap trick, using sex to win him back, but Davey was desperate and he did want him - no, he needed him - so very much.

Jade didn’t question Davey’s demand, just struggled to his feet. Davey immediately yanked his pants and boxers to his ankles. “Go on, cupcake.”

“Start that shit and I’ll go soft.”

“Okay. MacDaddy, go get yo bitch the fucking lube,” he chuckled at his pun.

Jade stepped out of his clothes and sprinted down the hall to the bathroom. He grabbed a brush, working it through his wild hair and rinsed his mouth quickly with some mouthwash, envying Davey’s fresh morning breath, due to that disgusting Kombucha tea he drank, he said.

“Jaaadde!” Davey called as loudly as he dared, not wanting to wake anyone else. He didn’t want Jade to have too much time to think. Jade abandoned the hairbrush and walked quickly and quietly back to the living room.

Davey was stretched out on the floor, naked and relaxed, arms folded behind his head. He looked stunning. Jade hadn’t enjoyed such a leisurely view in a long time and he’d missed it. He stood for a moment, scanning Davey’s body from head to toe.

Davey sucked his lipring and looked away from Jade’s intense gaze, suddenly feeling shy. Jade lowered himself on top of Davey.

“I’ll never understand how you can perform shamelessly in front of thousands of strangers, yet blush in front of me alone,” Jade teased gently.

“Because they are strangers. I don’t care what they think of me as long as they feel they got their money’s worth.” He ran his hands up and down Jade’s long back.

“Sounding a bit whorish, Dave.”

Davey tilted his chin up and said, “Kiss your whore, Jade.”

Before their lips met, Davey turned his head away, suddenly ashamed. The joke wasn't funny anymore.

“Hey, don’t play that. It’s over. I’ve forgotten it,” Jade lied. The pain of Davey’s betrayal was still near the surface but his lust was more demanding and made him willing to forgive Davey nearly anything at the moment. Besides, hadn’t Davey paid enough already?

Davey turned back and looked into his eyes. “That’s a lie…but it’s a kissable one,” he said as he pulled Jade’s head down and crushed his mouth against his own. He couldn’t hide the desperation he felt. He was terrified when he thought of how close he’d come to losing him.

‘How could I? Why did I take such a risk?’ He tormented himself with the question. Then Jade was gone and it was his father walking quickly away, leaving him in the dirt and the rain. Would he have ever remembered that tragic morning if all this hadn’t happened, if Jade hadn’t been forced to prove his devotion ? Had it all been just to convince himself that the man he loved most wouldn’t leave him this time?

He was deeply disturbed to see how his behavior had been so blindly driven by a forgotten memory, buried deep beneath his awareness. ‘May that be the worst of the monsters lurking in my mind,’ he fervently wished.

“Where are you, Dave?” Jade’s voice cut through Davey’s disassociation. Davey held him closer, squeezing his eyes until a single tear slid down the side of his face. “I’m here. I’m here now with you.” He kissed him fiercely to emphasize the truth.

He broke the kiss and whispered, “Inside me now…all of it…no prep.” Jade studied his face and knew he meant it. “I’m not doing it without lube.” He wouldn’t hurt him unnecessarily, even if that’s what he wanted. Davey loosened his hold so Jade could sit up and coat himself generously.

He lay back down and Davey shifted and wrapped his legs around his hips. Jade poked a few times, searching for the tight entrance and Davey wriggled to align himself with Jade’s cock. His voice husky with need, he said, “ There. Come on, fuck me.”

Jade pushed steadily and relentlessly, not stopping until he could go no deeper. Davey whimpered a little and Jade lay still. Davey tightened his legs high on Jade’s waist but left his hips free to move. He commanded, “Go on…” He bucked his own hips up in encouragement.

Fighting the tightness that wanted to hold him still, Jade reminded himself to breathe while he pulled away from Davey’s body just so he could push in again. After a few times, he no longer fought to move, but slid easily with every thrust into that welcoming heat.

Davey’s hands went into his lover’s hair and brought his mouth to his in an open kiss. He sought out his tongue, took it inside and sucked it. Jade groaned and moved more urgently. He needed to change position so he could contact that place inside Davey before he came.

“Let me go, babe,” Jade said between kisses up and down Davey’s neck. Davey reluctantly dropped his legs from Jade’s waist. Jade knelt between them and moved in tight, his thighs against Davey’s ass. He anchored his hands by Davey’s sides to give him the leverage he wanted and leaned over him.

After only two thrusts, Davey’s eyes flew open and his hand went to his mouth. He bit his knuckles to silence the cries of pleasure that threatened to escape from him as Jade rubbed the head of his cock against his prostate. His other hand wrapped around his cock and he deliberately stroked himself in time with Jade’s thrusts, knowing they’d soon come together .  
____________________________________________________________________________________

Nils crept down the hallway, on his way to the kitchen for his morning tea. ‘Everyone must still be asleep,’ he thought. There was no music playing and there always was in Davey’s house, somewhere. Nils knew Davey went through periods when he left it playing 24/7, awake or asleep, home or away, but this morning it was quiet.

He loved waking in his room at Davey’s. ‘Yeah, my room,’ he thought smugly. He played it totally cool but was secretly thrilled to have his own room in Davey’s house, although he lived in L.A., hours away from Oakland.

At the time Davey had it decorated, Nils had been nervous that Jade would be upset but he treated it like he had Michael’s room - just another kid Davey sometimes put up at his place. Anyway, it meant the world to Nils that Davey had done that for him.

His thoughts went to the night before and Davey’s brief regression. It seemed obvious to him that the crisis Davey had created by cheating on Jade was all to bring to the surface this old unhealed wound. Judging from his reaction, Jade had passed the test. Nils was glad for Dave, Jade, the band. There was a tiny part of him that wished it had been him that had been called to prove his devotion.

He stopped and listened at the door of Davey’s bedroom. Nothing. Good, sleep was the best thing for him now, as his psyche sorted itself out. Nils thought of the verses at the end of But Home Is Nowhere. Maybe the puzzle will be solved, maybe the pieces he’s found will fit now. He hoped so.

He got to the bottom of the stairs and started through the living room. ‘What the fuck?’ Nils stopped dead in his tracks when he heard sound coming from right there in the room, on the other side of the sofa, to be exact.

He peered into the shadows and saw a flash of tawny blonde hair. He took a step closer. It was Jade’s hair. ‘What’s up with the hair sticking up all over the place?’ Nils wondered, knowing Jade was more vain about his hair than Davey ever could be.

Why was he on the living room floor? And where was Davey? He should be taking care of Davey. Nils focused on Jade’s face. He was panting and his eyes were closed, head thrown back. Something about the way he was moving…And those sounds weren’t coming from him. It sounded like Davey’s voice. Was he crying down there or something?

Nils inched closer and looked down over the sofa. What he saw would replay in his mind’s eye countless times in the future. Davey was practically writhing on the floor, moaning. He was pulling up on his cock, rubbing the head on every upstroke.

Jade was over him, slamming his hips against his ass, thrusting deep into him. Davey was murmuring to him and tossing his head back and forth.

Nils couldn’t take his eyes off Davey, closing fast on his orgasm. “Jade tops, of course. If I had the chance, I’d bottom for Davey,’ Nils thought longingly.

He didn’t approve of the direction his thoughts were taking. ‘I really should go.” Nils tried to convince himself. ‘But they’re so hot and so close,’ he argued back.

Davey saw something out of the corner of his eye. He let his gaze drift upward and focused on the image. Tall, thin frame, shoulder-length dark hair framing a pale face. Nils. Davey concentrated on his face. His full lips were parted, his eyes glazed over with lust.

Davey realized he’d been watching them fuck and was very aroused. He locked eyes with Nils and smiled, happy to give something in return for all the loving care his young friend had shown these last two days.

Jade had been holding back his own release until Davey was ready. Davey stilled as he felt the tightening begin deep in his groin. His hands stopped playing up and down Jade’s sides as he felt the heat of his orgasm radiating out from below. Jade stopped moving, too as he felt Davey tightening around him, coaxing his own climax from him.

He watched, fascinated, as Davey grimaced and cried out Jade’s name as he shot cum all over his own beautiful inked chest. Jade trembled and shook as he stared at Davey’s face, seeking his eyes, wanting to be with him in his ecstasy. “Ohgod,” he groaned as he felt himself pulsing and emptying deep into his lover.

Nils was transfixed by the sight and was still watching when Jade lowered himself onto Davey and Davey’s legs fell open lazily, all tension gone. They began to kiss sweetly and tentatively at first, then passionately,  
so relieved to be together again.

Nils woke from his trance. He dropped down behind the sofa and scurried up the stairs to his room. He threw himself down on the bed and immediately grabbed his own erection. Nils vigorously stroked himself as he thought of Davey rocking up to meet Jade’s thrusts, imagining what he felt like inside. Nils came hard when he remembered how Davey had come.

He lay back, waiting for his pulse to slow. He decided he’d shower before heading for the kitchen again. He still needed his tea.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Davey slipped his arms around his mother’s waist from behind and kissed her hair. She turned to him, smiling broadly, searching his face for clues after last night‘s trauma. She was flooded with relief to see that he looked peaceful and content.

She put her arms around him and hugged him tight. He smelled a bit funky under the vanilla spice he’d wiped on to cover the evidence of his intense awakening with Jade and the tears and fears of last night.

They let each other go and she reached for a mug for his tea. He took it from her and made his cup. She opened the oven and pulled out a tray of muffins that had been warming and took out three for the two of them.

They settled at the kitchen table, Davey wincing at the sunlight. His mom kidded him about his early rising and vampiric tendencies.

“Yeah, this sunlight shit is highly overrated,” he joked and shaded his eyes. Penny pulled the sheers over the window, cutting the light’s strength.

“There, better?” She studied her son’s face, admiring his natural beauty, especially masculine that morning due to the heavy stubble. She loved his long, thin nose, his large warm eyes shaded by thick lashes, his upper lip that formed a perfect bow…so classically Roman, so much like his father. Especially that chin.

There was so much she wanted to say to him. So many years she’d held it all back. She reached out and took his hand.

“David…,” she began, watching his face for permission to continue. His relaxed, open gaze gave it.

“I’m so sorry…for everything. Your father, my illness, the years the three of us struggled alone…”

Davey placed his other hand over hers. “No need for apologies. It made me who I am, right? Others have gone through so much worse. You know. You’ve read lots of those fan letters.” He smiled reassuringly.  
“I think we’re all closer and stronger because of it.”

She looked deep into his eyes and saw the sincerity. She relaxed and gently retrieved her hand. They both drank their tea.

Curiousity was killing her and she decided to push her luck. Davey could be so transparent at times, then wrap himself in a cloak of mystery at others. All she could do was ask and see how much he wanted to reveal.

“Sooo…who was it?”

Davey looked away and she was sure she’d pushed too hard. He looked straight at her again and said flatly, “Dave Navarro.”

Penny’s eyes went wide. “Oh my…he’s so hot!”

“Mom!” Davey was shocked for a moment. He watched his mother’s color rise in embarrassment at her uncensored response. He felt her discomfort.

“It’s okay. I mean, he is. Definitely. But he’s a sadistic sonofabitch.”

Penny’s face clouded. “Oh, Davey, is that what Adam meant when he said you’d been hurt?”

Davey sighed and was silent for a few minutes. “I’d rather not talk about it anymore.”

“Will you and Jade be all right?”

“Yes, I’m sure we will,” smirking a little at the memory of their recent coupling. “However, none of us will be if he doesn’t find coffee ready when he comes down. You know what he thinks of us pussy tea-drinkers.”

Davey rose to his feet to start the coffee. He saw Nils standing in the doorway.

“Well, hello. How long have you been standing there? You’re being quite the voyeur this morning, aren’t you?” He chuckled softly as he watched pale Nils turn beet-red.

He was sorry for teasing him but he couldn’t resist. He walked over, took him in arms and tried to make it up to him. “’Morning, Nilsbaby…tea?”

Nils inhaled deeply and smelled the heady mixture of aromas coming from Davey’s skin. He found it intoxicating. He forced himself to pull away. “That would be great, yeah.”

Davey dropped his arms and turned away to fetch Nils tea and start Jade’s coffee. Nils took his empty seat across from Penny and Davey brought him tea and muffins.

Penny smiled at him, hoping he knew how grateful she was for what he’d done to heal her son in so many ways. He was a special young man and she was glad to have him in their lives.

Jade entered the kitchen. “I haven’t seen a quaint domestic scene like this since before the tour started. What goes down on that bus doesn‘t qualify as domestic.” He was in a very good mood.

Davey turned to him and offered him coffee. Jade walked up to him, took the mug and set it down. His body pressed Davey back against the counter and he kissed him deeply while cupping his ass in his hands. Penny and Nils shifted uncomfortably in their seats. Jade ignored them and grinned at Davey.

“You’re a little too manly this morning, Dave. Go shower and shave.”

Davey tossed his head back and laughed. “You should know why. I can’t wait to get cleaned up.” He pushed Jade out of the way and left the three in the kitchen.

Jade slid in hard beside Nils, forcing him to shift over. “So, Slin, what’s on your agenda today?”

“Well, I need to get back to L.A. as soon as I can. I’ve got classes tomorrow and lots of reading to catch up on. Would you take me to a car rental? It shouldn’t be a problem getting one since I’m 21 now.”

Nils had decided it was best if Jade drove him. It wouldn’t do to spend anymore time alone with Davey than was necessary. Besides, he was genuinely fond of Jade. He just couldn't help envying him sometimes.

“I’m ready when you are.” Jade drained the last of his first mug of coffee. He got up to refill it. Nils thanked Penny for breakfast and ran upstairs to straighten his room so she wouldn’t feel the need to do it.

He knocked on Davey’s bathroom door to tell him he was leaving in a few minutes with Jade. Davey hurriedly finished shaving and let his hair go so he could get downstairs right away.

Jade was already out the door, throwing Davey’s car keys into the air and catching them over and over with one hand. He got to the car and leaned leisurely on the hood, sipping out of his travel mug.

Inside, Davey gave Nils one more hug. Nils held on and said, “I love you, Davey.” He was shocked at his indiscretion but Davey interpreted it as a simple expression of friendly devotion. “You, too.”

Davey picked up his favorite sunglasses from the table next to the door and fit them on Nils’ face. “You’ll be driving into the sun. Take these.”

“Your Bvlgaris’? Are you sure?” Nils knew Davey loved that very expensive pair more than any of the other dozen he owned.

“I can trust you,” he said, kissing his cheek. They heard Jade honk the horn impatiently and smiled at each other.

Davey stood in the doorway, watching them settle into their seats. He called, “Hey, Jade!,” forcing him to unbuckle and get halfway out of the car. He looked at Davey expectantly.

“Your hair looks hella rad!”

Jade grinned and flipped him off. Davey held up his middle finger to him, then put it in his mouth and sucked on it. Jade shook his head and got back in his seat,still grinning. He started the engine, backed down the drive and they were gone.

 

The End

 

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=5161>


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